Sacrifices

My youngest daughter, Delaney, has been suffering with tummy issues for the last four weeks now.  With much prayer, friends help and consultations from her Doctor we are narrowing it down to either a food allergy (possibly gluten) or Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  The poor thing has been in pain for weeks now.  She also doesn't want to eat for fear of her tummy hurting, which has caused her to lose a little weight. She's missed school, soccer games and Girl Scout events  NO fun.

This weekend has been especially bad.  She missed a Girl Scout Campout and a Soccer game due to the pain she was in.  However this morning at church she and her friends were scheduled to do a dance that they had been working on for months.  She woke up doing fine but as the morning progressed so did the stomach pain.  By the time we got to church she cried pretty much the entire time. 

I talked with her about going ahead and doing the dance even if she was hurting because Jesus would give her strength.  When the time came for her to dance she walked down the isle and proceeded to dance for Jesus like she had no issues at all.  The amazing thing was that after she danced.....she had no more tears.  She sat through church whole.  I may or may not have cried a little.  

I'm telling you all this to let you know that today I was once again reminded of something:  Serving Jesus sometimes requires sacrifice.  It means dancing for him even when you don't feel like it.  It may mean getting out of bed on a Sunday morning when you've had a long week and getting to church to be fed.  It could mean getting back into ministry after you've been hurt by others.  Maybe for you it's being obedient and doing what you know He's told you to do. Maybe it's giving children a few jelly beans at church because you KNOW they came to church hungry. For me it's continuing to sing His praises when my last three babies have died.

I have also learned that serving Jesus isn't always convenient.  Jeff and I get tired like everyone else and as much as we would love to sleep in on Sunday and have a lazy day we won't let that happen.  You see we want our children to have a firm foundation.  We want to use our talents and gifts for him no matter what the cost.

And I'm sorry if I'm coming off prideful because I am not.  I am humbled today.  It took my eight year old to remind me that the blessings of being obedient and doing what is right outweigh the sacrifices by about a billion to one.  If He can make my daughters tummy feel better (even if it's just temporary) by simply dancing, imagine what He can do for YOU!

Lastly I'll leave you with a comment that she said on the way home:  "Carleigh, do you want to hear about how Jesus touched me today?"

"Jesus said, Let the little children come unto me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children."  Matthew 19:14

Much love,

Marsha

A Piece of Me

Monday marks five years since I had my baby boy Elijah.  For the past week there has been such an inner struggle in my mind.  A struggle that only I carry.

You see I carried him. I carried him in my tummy and now I carry him in my heart. There is a bond there that only a mother can have with her child.  They are physically a part of you and when they aren't with you it's like a piece of you is missing.

So for the past five years I have been functioning, going on with life, taking care of my family, but yet a piece of me is missing.

I try REALLY hard to act like I'm fine, and I am.  However, I have my days where I just wish he were here.

I dreamt about him the other night.  He was sleeping on my chest.  I could feel his weight on my chest and our bodies moved up and down together as we breathed.  I cuddled with him and thought to myself," Lord, don't let this moment end".  And then I woke up and felt the disappointment and sadness that it was only a dream.  The dream reminded me of holding him and feeling his weight in my arms.  It reminded me of the way he smelled.  It reminded me of how he looked like my other children.

I think sometimes people (even I) are guilty of thinking of a baby that passes away as just "a baby".  However, they aren't just babies.  They are unique.  They smell different.  They look different.  They are someones grandchild.  Someones bother, sister, niece, daughter or son.  So much more than just "a baby".

I don't understand why I have to live without him.  I don't understand why I'm not walking him to Kindergarten this fall.  Why I will never see him play ball or hear his voice say "I love you mommy."
Even though I don't understand, I have to trust God, so I do.  Even though it hurts.

You see not only is that baby boy a piece of me, but he has a piece of me with him, my heart.

I will forever be his momma, who misses him.  And I've learned through the help of wonderful friends and family, it's okay to miss him.

Monday we will celebrate his short life.  We will thank God for getting to see him.  We will remember how precious he is to us.  We will have HOPE that we will see him again one day. We just wish that one day wasn't so far away.

Marsha