When I was little I wanted to be a Teacher, a Beautician, a Veterinarian or a Marine Biologist.
As I became older and started thinking about college I decided that I didn't want to be a beautician because I didn't want to work nights and Saturdays. I didn't want to be a veterinarian because I would never want to put an animal down. I couldn't be a marine biologist because there are no oceans in Missouri where my family was.
In 1994 at the age of 17, a senior in High School I started college. I was going to become a teacher. I made it through several classes with flying colors. Until I had to take a math class in which I had to teach math (my least favorite subject) to elementary children. Ummmmm, what? I struggled with math, how in the world was I going to teach a first grader math? Fear and doubt crept in. I felt dumb and like I totally missed the mark on becoming a teacher.
So I changed majors, graduated with a Business Management/Computer degree. (Which ironically I had to take numerous accounting and math classes to earn this degree).
Guess what my jobs where after I graduated? A bank, a mortgage company, and a large church in which I helped in the accounting department. I used math all day every day. The very thing that detoured me from becoming a teacher.
I always felt in my heart that I still didn't know what I wanted to be when I grow up.
Until Emmitt Michael Hasty graced us with his presence in 2001. One look at his sweet chubby face and I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grow up.....a mommy and wife. That was my calling. I didn't have one ounce of doubt or fear. I was going to be the best mommy possible to him. I was going to be with him for every step, every first tooth, every first word and every just plain ordinary day I could.
Can I tell you something about my God? My God made a way for me to be home full time with Emmitt, Carleigh and Delaney for 11 years. Over a decade. I didn't miss a thing and have NO regrets.
But something happened, they grew up. Last year we put them in public school after two years of homeschooling and several years of being in a Christian school. They were gone all day, and I was by myself in a quiet and clean house. It was a healing process for me because had I not lost Jordan, Mia or Elijah I would have still had children at home. I had to come to terms with the fact that I have to move on now. (As I type with tears streaming).
I have done a lot of soul searching. I have learned that I really do not have control over much (I'm such a control freak). My life is in God's hands and I must seek his will for my life, even when it hurts deeper than I ever thought it could.
With much anticipation, anxiety, and encouragement from my husband I started back to college last night. To pursue a dream. To not be average. To do things that matter. I'm considering becoming a teacher again and this time I will not listen to lies that I'm not smart enough. If I continue down this path I will become a teacher at almost 40 years old.(3 years from now). 20+ years after I set out to become one. However, this time around I will be able to pour out the knowledge and love that I have learned from being a stay at home mom all those years. But I still don't feel grown yet?
I want to encourage you today. Do not listen to self-doubt, lies and haters. Go for your dreams. You are guaranteed to miss 100% of the chances you don't take!
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Sunday, August 11, 2013
He's kind of a big deal!
I have been on a journey as of late. A good but painful journey. You all may remember from past posts that change is very hard for me. But thankfully as I get older it gets a little easier. (I'm totally lying in hopes that one day it will).
Summer of 2013 has brought several changes for our little family. Up until two weeks ago my oldest (Emmitt) starting middle school was not a big deal.
I will always remember standing in line with my 12 year old (who is almost taller than me) at Pleasant Lea Middle School signing him up for 7th grade. I thought several things.....Wasn't he just starting kindergarten? ....Man I feel OLD!.....Why do all of these 7th grade girls look like 16 year olds?
That day it dawned on me, my little boy is approaching adolescene. At the very door step of it in fact.
Yet another change for all of us. As hard as it is on his momma, I welcome it. Emmitt's First Grade teacher, Mrs. Casey (we love you) taught me to enjoy every season in his life. Not to look at him getting older as a bad thing, but to enjoy the opportunities that will come his way and watching him grow into the man that God has created him to be. We get a front row seat. (How lucky are we?)
I'm not going to lie and say that there hasn't been tears shed this week. There has been a lot of them. But not with sadness like I used to feel in these situations. With a feeling of an old season passing and a new season for us quickly approaching. Ready or not, hear it comes.
So many times as a parent we have to say little goodbyes to our children's childhood. Like when they start school or spend the night at a friends house and you realize they don't need you as much as you thought. How about when they go off to camp and don't even miss you? Yes, all parts of growing up but not just for the child, for the parents as well.
But thankfully with the faith that Jeff and I share, and the trust that we have in Jesus Christ, we know that they are in good hands. They are just on loan to us as parents. It's all God's anyway isn't it?
The word TRUST comes to mind. We have to TRUST the process. We have to TRUST God's word. We have to TRUST that we have raised Emmitt well and that he will make good choices when we are not in his ear telling them what to do.
Hebrews 10:23 says: Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be Trusted to keep his promise.
Did you get that? Maybe you have been let down by others lately. (I know I have). Maybe you have lost your trust in others. I want you to understand that God can be TRUSTed with his promises. He doesn't waiver. We have hope.
We can TRUST him even when it comes to our children (which sometimes we feel like belong to us more than Him). We can trust him with our life. I can TRUST Him with Emmitt's life.
Since I have your attention can I take a minute to tell you about my boy? He's extremely smart and his vocabulary is outstanding. (He gets that from his father). Just yesterday we took him to an aquarium and his sentence started with "Mom, did you know that in greek mythology the seahorse is named Hippocampus which means crooked horse.?" He retains much of what he reads which amazes me every time. (Again, gets that from his dad). He reads on average a novel a week if not more. He's usually pretty quiet and reserved. He's been known to be loud with is friends but only on a special occasion. He doesn't mind giving hugs or saying he loves us. At the age of one he was taking things apart so he could figure out how they worked and how they go back together. He's had one girlfriend (by girlfriend I mean they texted each other) in which he declared "Girls are a lot of work, they always want to talk about their feelings." I told him it only go worse. He's kind of a big deal. (I'm his mom, let me brag).
So tomorrow morning I will send him on his way...TRUSTing that he will be okay. I cannot guarantee that I will not shed more tears, but I can guarantee that I will TRUST God no matter how I feel.
Love you Emmitt Michael Hasty!
Summer of 2013 has brought several changes for our little family. Up until two weeks ago my oldest (Emmitt) starting middle school was not a big deal.
I will always remember standing in line with my 12 year old (who is almost taller than me) at Pleasant Lea Middle School signing him up for 7th grade. I thought several things.....Wasn't he just starting kindergarten? ....Man I feel OLD!.....Why do all of these 7th grade girls look like 16 year olds?
That day it dawned on me, my little boy is approaching adolescene. At the very door step of it in fact.
Yet another change for all of us. As hard as it is on his momma, I welcome it. Emmitt's First Grade teacher, Mrs. Casey (we love you) taught me to enjoy every season in his life. Not to look at him getting older as a bad thing, but to enjoy the opportunities that will come his way and watching him grow into the man that God has created him to be. We get a front row seat. (How lucky are we?)
I'm not going to lie and say that there hasn't been tears shed this week. There has been a lot of them. But not with sadness like I used to feel in these situations. With a feeling of an old season passing and a new season for us quickly approaching. Ready or not, hear it comes.
So many times as a parent we have to say little goodbyes to our children's childhood. Like when they start school or spend the night at a friends house and you realize they don't need you as much as you thought. How about when they go off to camp and don't even miss you? Yes, all parts of growing up but not just for the child, for the parents as well.
But thankfully with the faith that Jeff and I share, and the trust that we have in Jesus Christ, we know that they are in good hands. They are just on loan to us as parents. It's all God's anyway isn't it?
The word TRUST comes to mind. We have to TRUST the process. We have to TRUST God's word. We have to TRUST that we have raised Emmitt well and that he will make good choices when we are not in his ear telling them what to do.
Hebrews 10:23 says: Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be Trusted to keep his promise.
Did you get that? Maybe you have been let down by others lately. (I know I have). Maybe you have lost your trust in others. I want you to understand that God can be TRUSTed with his promises. He doesn't waiver. We have hope.
We can TRUST him even when it comes to our children (which sometimes we feel like belong to us more than Him). We can trust him with our life. I can TRUST Him with Emmitt's life.
Since I have your attention can I take a minute to tell you about my boy? He's extremely smart and his vocabulary is outstanding. (He gets that from his father). Just yesterday we took him to an aquarium and his sentence started with "Mom, did you know that in greek mythology the seahorse is named Hippocampus which means crooked horse.?" He retains much of what he reads which amazes me every time. (Again, gets that from his dad). He reads on average a novel a week if not more. He's usually pretty quiet and reserved. He's been known to be loud with is friends but only on a special occasion. He doesn't mind giving hugs or saying he loves us. At the age of one he was taking things apart so he could figure out how they worked and how they go back together. He's had one girlfriend (by girlfriend I mean they texted each other) in which he declared "Girls are a lot of work, they always want to talk about their feelings." I told him it only go worse. He's kind of a big deal. (I'm his mom, let me brag).
So tomorrow morning I will send him on his way...TRUSTing that he will be okay. I cannot guarantee that I will not shed more tears, but I can guarantee that I will TRUST God no matter how I feel.
Love you Emmitt Michael Hasty!
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