When I grow up?

When I was little I wanted to be a Teacher, a Beautician, a Veterinarian or a Marine Biologist.

As I became older and started thinking about college I decided that I didn't want to be a beautician because I didn't want to work nights and Saturdays. I didn't want to be a veterinarian because I would never want to put an animal down.  I couldn't be a marine biologist because there are no oceans in Missouri where my family was.

In 1994 at the age of 17, a senior in High School I started college. I was going to become a teacher. I made it through several classes with flying colors.  Until I had to take a math class in which I had to teach math (my least favorite subject) to elementary children. Ummmmm, what? I struggled with math, how in the world was I going to teach a first grader math? Fear and doubt crept in. I felt dumb and like I totally missed the mark on becoming a teacher.

So I changed majors, graduated with a Business Management/Computer degree. (Which ironically I had to take numerous accounting and math classes to earn this degree).

Guess what my jobs where after I graduated? A bank, a mortgage company, and a large church in which I helped in the accounting department.  I used math all day every day.  The very thing that detoured me from becoming a teacher.

I always felt in my heart that I still didn't know what I wanted to be when I grow up.

Until Emmitt Michael Hasty graced us with his presence in 2001.  One look at his sweet chubby face and I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grow up.....a mommy and wife. That was my calling. I didn't have one ounce of doubt or fear. I was going to be the best mommy possible to him. I was going to be with him for every step, every first tooth, every first word and every just plain ordinary day I could.

Can I tell you something about my God? My God made a way for me to be home full time with Emmitt, Carleigh and Delaney for 11 years. Over a decade. I didn't miss a thing and have NO regrets.

But something happened, they grew up. Last year we put them in public school after two years of homeschooling and several years of being in a Christian school. They were gone all day, and I was by myself in a quiet and clean house.  It was a healing process for me because had I not lost Jordan, Mia or Elijah I would have still had children at home.  I had to come to terms with the fact that I have to move on now. (As I type with tears streaming).

I have done a lot of soul searching. I have learned that I really do not have control over much (I'm such a control freak).  My life is in God's hands and I must seek his will for my life, even when it hurts deeper than I ever thought it could.

With much anticipation, anxiety, and encouragement from my husband I started back to college last night.  To pursue a dream. To not be average. To do things that matter. I'm considering becoming a teacher again and this time I will not listen to lies that I'm not smart enough. If I continue down this path I will become a teacher at almost 40 years old.(3 years from now). 20+ years after I set out to become one. However, this time around I will be able to pour out the knowledge and love that I have learned from being a stay at home mom all those years. But I still don't feel grown yet?

I want to encourage you today. Do not listen to self-doubt, lies and haters. Go for your dreams. You are guaranteed to miss 100% of the chances you don't take!