I logged onto Facebook this morning and found a link that someone had posted about the newest American Idol Winner Kris. He was singing worship at his church and I was impressed. I knew the boy had chops, but seeing him sing "There is no one like our God" made me proud of him. I choose to believe that the favor of the Lord is on him right now. My old pastor used to say "Favor Aint Fair" and I often find myself saying that when we get a good parking spot, or when we get unexpected money, or when something good happens. Anyway...the song that he was singing I've heard a probably a hundred times, but it spoke to me this morning. If you don't know the song it says "Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in the city" it also says over and over again "there is NO ONE like our God". Here is the link if you haven't seen it yet. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=et9I11JCqgE.
The reason it spoke to me is because I had an emotional day yesterday. I was trying to deal with the fact that Elijah is gone, I'm not pregnant anymore, My body going crazy from being having 2 children within 11 months of each other, and I'm still a mommy and wife to everyone else while dealing with it. I feel like there are two sides to me right now. The wife and mommy which is so happy to have what I have with them. I'm so thankful that I have them to brighten my life. But...the Marsha side....the person who is all alone when the kids and Jeff are sleeping, or when I'm in the car, or when I'm doing chores around the house.....that side of me is so distraught. So upset, so emotional. I am forced to deal with things on a daily basis that NO ONE, not even my husband knows about.
I want things to be "normal" again for us, but I don't know what that means anymore. Being normal for me means coming to terms with the fact that I have had 3 beautiful healthy babies, but have to go on with life knowing that 3 of my other children are not with me anymore. I cannot sit a cry all day long for Elijah, or Mia or Jordan. I have to go on with living.
It's very hard for me to deal with such "hard" issues. I have a pretty happy go lucky attitude. I'm usually always smiling, always trying to see the bright side of life and trying to see the good in people. So dealing with such "heavy" emotions just plain SUCKS! I don't like to admit that I'm struggling. I don't like to appear that I don't have it all together yet.
I went to bed last night praying for God to make me "happy" again. I don't know how and I don't know when, but I know that it's possible to go on and not be so sad all of the time. I didn't have a great God moment, I didn't feel Him last night but I just believed. So to wake up this morning to a song saying "Greater things are yet to come" made me smile. I don't know why we have had to walk a road that I wouldn't wish on ANYONE. But I know that His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. I choose to believe, there is NO ONE like our God, and I cannot wait to see what He has in store for the Hasty's. Greater things are yet to come I'm certain of that.
Summer has officially begun at our home. The kids have been in our little pink plastic pool everyday since I pulled it out of the basement. I have no plans for the day other than letting them do whatever they would like. As I type I'm still in my pj's. One of the small joys of being a SAHM. I've included a few pics of last summer for you to enjoy.
I hope that you had an awesome Memorial Day! I'm so thankful for the men and women who laid down their life for my freedom. Emmitt and Carleigh and I talked about why we celebrate and then watched a nice tribute on PBS last night. I hope that they remember what we talked about and watched when they are older. I hope they appreciate our service men and women as much as Jeff and I. BTW...Jeff finished the CD in honor of Memorial Day and had it playing all day. I'm sure that he'll add more for the 4th of July. A few songs on it are, Lee Greenwood singing "Proud to be an American", Whitney Houston singing "The Star Spangled Banner" and another version of that song by the one and only KISS. (All on rock guitar). Pretty funny, pretty cheesy, pretty patriotic don't you think?
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