How big is your circle?

I am a Christian.  Not a weird, holy roller, snake dancing, religious freak.  Just a Christian.

My definition of being a Christian is to be Christ-like.

I'm full of sin, imperfections, pride and faults too numerous to count.  Most days I am far from being Christ-like but at least I strive to be.

I feel like because I claim to be I automatically get grouped in the gay bashing, full of hate, better than everyone else group.

That's just not me.

Watching the Bible series on the History Channel a few weeks ago reminded me that Jesus hung out with the outcasts, the hated ones, the poor, the unpopular crowd.

My goal my entire life (even in high school) was to NOT  be grouped with a certain type of friends.  Popular, unpopular, cheerleading clique, etc.

As I get older I realize that I still fight so hard to NOT be grouped with a certain type of people.

I want to love as Jesus loved, forgive has He still forgives, humble and not full of pride, and be  HOPE giver.  I want to speak life into your deepest darkest hours.

I believe that we all have a Circle of Influence.  You don't have to believe in God to have one.

You see eyes are always watching you.  People watch what you say on Facebook and social media, how you react to life's situations, how you treat people.  You may not realize it but it's true.  Having children brought that to home for me.  Little eyes are always watching me. YIKES!

So with that in mind I really try to go above and beyond to make up for the crazy Christians I try so hard to not be grouped with.  I tip big, leave hotel rooms spotless when we leave, smile and call a cashier by name, thank people, hold doors for people and smile, you know, little things that could make someones day.  Most importantly I do the right thing when NO ONE is watching.

So I'm asking you today-How big is your Circle of Influence?  No pressure but eyes are on you today.

I encourage you to go out there and change the world.  One good deed at a time.  Not because you are trying to be a good Christian, or appear to be perfect, but because you are a good person. Period.  I believe it makes the heart of God smile.  He's already so proud of you!

He's Still Working on me....THANKFULLY

There is an old song that I heard the Wallen family children sing probably no less than 100 times when I was young.  One of the verses goes like this:

"There really ought to be a sign upon my heart
  Don't judge me yet there's an unfinished part
  But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
  Fashioned by the masters loving hands"

I thought of the song today as I was weeding my memorial garden.  There were new weeds that had grown in over the winter covering the beautiful white rock that we picked out to go just perfect in the garden.  As I was pulling them I thought to myself "I'm not getting the root, I'm only taking the top off making it look pretty".  I stopped for a second to think about that. I was only making it look pretty temporarily.....but the root would make it grow back.

God so softly spoke into my heart "What other areas of your life do you make look pretty?  But you know the root is still there don't you?"  OUCH.  Talk about stepping on my toes a little.  

It's SO true.  

You see I'm a stasher.  My house most days is ready for company.  I like to clean.  I like organization.  I like things to look pretty. I like perfect.

But....I also stash things.  My sub basement most days is a complete disaster because no one usually sees that part of my home.  I work on the parts of my home that people see, but what they can't see is a MESS.

For instance, if you walked into my cute French Country kitchen you would probably think it's clean.  However I dare you to open up my Tupperware door.  You would find this:

Boy I'm literally airing my dirty laundry aren't I?

On the surface everything is neat and clean and pretty.  But please don't touch the spice door or you may just end up wearing the cinnamon as it falls on you.

So, my God moment today taught me to quit stashing and making things look pretty.  It doesn't do me any good to pull life's weeds if the root still remains.  I need to work on the ROOT of issues.  I need to let God work on the root and make me into what He wants me to be.

Sometimes I think I have learned so much in my 36 years and then WAMMO something knocks me down and helps me realize I have so much more to learn.

I don't have it all together.  My life sometimes isn't very pretty.  We live in a photoshop-autocorrect world.  If we don't like the way we look in a certain picture we can simply correct it with a filter and then it's perfect.

So what I'm telling you is this-maybe together you and I can just be real?  Not pretty-real!  Let's let God mold us into His image instead of a perfect image that we've created.  Without Him we can do nothing anyway.  (I've learned that the hard way).

Hope you have a wonderful weekend.  Tomorrow is my little Elijah's birthday. Bittersweet.

Blessings,

Marsha

I get this way every year, pardon me.

It happens every year like clockwork.  I spend December planning for the Christmas. 

January planning for Delaney's birthday in February.

February celebrating Delaney's birthday and planning for Emmitt's birthday in March.

March we spoil our firstborn son in as many ways possible and prepare for Easter.

And then along comes April.

What is it about April that makes me have a flood of emotions on opposite sides?

You see on Sunday, April 7th we will celebrate our son Elijah's birthday.  I had him 4 years ago. I said hello and goodbye. I said hello and GOODBYE.

I'm okay.  I really am. I miss him and all the things I never had the chance to do with him on this earth.  However, Carleigh and Delaney never forget to remind me that it is his birthday.  And every year like clock work they want to have a party for him also.

So we find ourselves planning something for him because after all he is their brother and our son.  I usually find something to put around the memorial garden for him.

I will say it doesn't sting as much to think about him as it did a few years ago.  Now when I think of him I have peace and usually end up with a smile on my face.  (That is a MIRACLE). I never thought I would be able to say that.

So if you see me come April 7th and I'm acting a little funny, indifferent, not like myself you will know why.  I try to be strong but when it comes down to it I just REALLY wish I had him still.  That is never going to change. I'm a mom who has lost three of her children, two of which I held in my arms. 

And then comes Mia's birthday on May 16th, 5 years ago. 

And for those of you out there that try to comfort me by saying things like "Just be thankful for what you have". Well, I AM. It doesn't make me miss him any less or mean that I love him more than my other children. So please, I don't want to hear it. I pray you never know what it's like to lose a child because then you would know.

That's all for now.  Not a "fun" post. I don't want to pretend that I have it all together. Just me being REAL with you, and I hope that okay.

I promise, I will be my cheery self next post okay?  Maybe I'll even throw in some of Delaney's quotes.  That is surely to make you laugh.

We also have lots of fun things planned for April at the Hasty Household. 

Praying your April is full of Spring fun and blessings!

Marsha