I get this way every year, pardon me.

It happens every year like clockwork.  I spend December planning for the Christmas. 

January planning for Delaney's birthday in February.

February celebrating Delaney's birthday and planning for Emmitt's birthday in March.

March we spoil our firstborn son in as many ways possible and prepare for Easter.

And then along comes April.

What is it about April that makes me have a flood of emotions on opposite sides?

You see on Sunday, April 7th we will celebrate our son Elijah's birthday.  I had him 4 years ago. I said hello and goodbye. I said hello and GOODBYE.

I'm okay.  I really am. I miss him and all the things I never had the chance to do with him on this earth.  However, Carleigh and Delaney never forget to remind me that it is his birthday.  And every year like clock work they want to have a party for him also.

So we find ourselves planning something for him because after all he is their brother and our son.  I usually find something to put around the memorial garden for him.

I will say it doesn't sting as much to think about him as it did a few years ago.  Now when I think of him I have peace and usually end up with a smile on my face.  (That is a MIRACLE). I never thought I would be able to say that.

So if you see me come April 7th and I'm acting a little funny, indifferent, not like myself you will know why.  I try to be strong but when it comes down to it I just REALLY wish I had him still.  That is never going to change. I'm a mom who has lost three of her children, two of which I held in my arms. 

And then comes Mia's birthday on May 16th, 5 years ago. 

And for those of you out there that try to comfort me by saying things like "Just be thankful for what you have". Well, I AM. It doesn't make me miss him any less or mean that I love him more than my other children. So please, I don't want to hear it. I pray you never know what it's like to lose a child because then you would know.

That's all for now.  Not a "fun" post. I don't want to pretend that I have it all together. Just me being REAL with you, and I hope that okay.

I promise, I will be my cheery self next post okay?  Maybe I'll even throw in some of Delaney's quotes.  That is surely to make you laugh.

We also have lots of fun things planned for April at the Hasty Household. 

Praying your April is full of Spring fun and blessings!

Marsha