Precious Memories

Memories

They are what we have left of him now.

I will never forget the way he called me “Shug”

The way he looked on Christmas after we opened our gifts…he would go to his bedroom and come out with a roll or two of quarters that he hand rolled for each of his grandchildren.

Pulling up to his house and hearing him tell us how Jeff and I had a “keen” car.

Sitting on the porch with him watching the storm roll in.

Riding in his truck with Jenee singing “Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way, Oh what fun it is to ride in PawPaw’s Chevrolet.

I have so many memories of him when I was little. Too many to mention today. We spent many summers, and holidays at Nana and PawPaw’s.

One of my most favorite memories happened three summers ago.  If you knew PawPaw in his later years you know that he couldn’t hear very well.  Often he would cup his hand over his ear when he was trying to hear what you were saying to him.

This particular day I had brought my children to spend time with him and NaNa.  They loved their house as much as we did.  What’s not to love about an infinite supply of treats, Little Debbie cakes, tractor rides, hugs, kisses and stories.  PawPaw decided that he would get his tractor out and give my kids a ride in the wagon attached to the back.  Just like he used to do with me when I was little.  They had so much fun.  It was the first and last time they were ever able to do that with him.  After they got off he put his tractor away and we walked around the yard as he showed me his sheds.  My youngest, Delaney, who was 4 years old at the time walked up to him, tugged on his pant leg and said “PawPaw can my do that again?”  He looked at her and clearly didn’t hear what she said so she repeated a little louder “PawPaw can my do that again?’ he looked at me, shrugged his shoulder and said “I can’t hear her hun?” So she stepped up to him, cupped her ear and yelled “PawPaw, CAN MY DO THAT AGAIN?”  To which he said “Huh?” I don’t think he ever understood what she was asking.  I laughed as he walked away.

Another memory that I have so vividly was after he had his stroke.  Angie and I stayed the night with him at the hospital.  He was very disoriented.  It was hard to keep him still and in bed.  Around 4 a.m. in the morning he decided he was going to get up and go mow the lawn.  So Angie and I trying to keep him from getting agitated just went with it.  We told him to lay still and we would take care of the yards.  He was pointing to imaginary keys on the wall that we pretended to grab.  He had us get the flashlight out and spotlight the room. Picture him having me at one point shine the flashlight above Angie’s head and had her reach frantically for the keys.  I looked at her and said “He’s completely sane now he’s just playing tricks on us.”

That last memory I wanted to share today is of my most memorable conversation I had with him. I have never ever talked with PawPaw about Jesus, God, faith, or anything like that.  I had heard him say he prays to the Good Lord but that was the extent of our spiritual talks.  The day he had his stroke we rushed down and I felt I needed to have that conversation with him should he pass away that day.  It was uncomfortable for me and I waited for the right moment when things were calm and there wasn’t a lot of people in the room.  I leaned in and asked him how he felt, in his spirit, meaning if he were to die today did he feel like he would meet Jesus?  To which he replied “Yes, I know Jesus, I talk to him every day.  If I have an ache or a pain I point to it and pray and he heals me.  And then for what seemed like an hour but was probably closer to a few minutes he began to quote scripture verse after verse, not missing words.  Keep in mind that he had just had a stroke and didn’t even know who I or he was at the moment.  But that word was deeply rooted in his spirit.  I am so thankful that I got a chance to pray with him that day.  When the nurse walked in he started to tell him “I was worried about how I was going to pay for all of this but we just prayed and I know God is going to work it all out because his word will not return void.”  I just happened to glance up at NaNa who was the only other person in the room and she sat in her chair shocked with her mouth wide open.  I think she thought that after all of those years together he had tuned her out.

So this memory is bittersweet for me.  I will miss him so much but I cling to the hope that I will see him again one day.  I have been telling him goodbye a little every day in my heart for the last year and nine months.  I knew this day would come.  And I know that saying goodbye to him is not the end.  Thankfully I will see him again.

My family got a chance after his stroke to love on him, tell him we loved him a million times, and take care of him like he had done for us through the years.  I call them bonus days with him. 

I will hold on to these memories so tightly.  Keeping him alive in my mind.

May I never forgot his laugh, the way he looked as he sat at the kitchen table eating his bologna sandwich with mayonnaise and onion, how he always had a dollar to give my children as we left to go home, they way he looked driving his prized red Chevy truck, or the way he looked from behind with his gray hair and wrinkly neck and blue jeans.

I have three babies in heaven right now. Although I know we will miss him on earth, Friday morning my angels just got to meet their Great PawPaw Leo. And I know that he will take care of them for me until we are all reunited.  

Thank you for letting me share my memories of a man I love dearly. And remember….Goodbye is not the end!