PRAYER!!!!!!

 

 

That has been the running theme for this past week. I’ve been majorly praying. I’ve heard “Pray for so and so, she just found out she has cancer, Pray for ---- her daughter just died of cancer, Pray for me, I have some decisions to make, Pray for me-I’m getting test results back from the Doctor, Pray for me, I need to find a job, Pray for me, our company is laying people off this week, Pray that I do well on my test, Pray that I don’t hurt anymore.

There are SO MANY hurting people right now, it’s overwhelming. I’m hurting as well, but I want so badly to take the hurt away from others. I have always been like that. I’m very tenderhearted. If someone is going thru something, I’m usually right there with them. When I was younger (a teenager) I used to cry to Jeff and say “why did God make me so sensitive, why do I hurt with others so?” Then one day one of our Pastor’s at Sheffield prayed for me for no reason. In her prayer she said “You’ve always wondered why God has made you so sensitive, it’s because you are an INTERCESSOR”. Wow, an intercessor. What does that mean exactly? So I looked it up.  An intercessor is someone who intercedes. What does intercede mean? The definition is: to plead or make a request in behalf of another. Hmmmm. So instead of getting so upset and doing nothing but be upset, God purposed in me to PRAY for them, to intercede, to plead or make a request on behalf of another. So that’s were I am today. But I want to sing that old song “It’s me, it’s me, it’s me O’ Lord, standing in the need of prayer!”

Last week I had some really hard days. I cried myself to sleep 4 out of 7 nights. I miss my baby. Everyone around me that was pregnant at the same time as me are now making plans for their baby to come soon. The baby showers are all done. The rooms are ready. They are excited, and I am excited for them. But I’m packing up boxes of baby clothes to give away, or sell, or donate. It HURTS.

I wish so badly that I was getting ready to meet my sweet Elijah for the first time, and not seeing him wrapped up in a little baby blanket as the nurse is taking him out of the room for me to never see again on this earth. I so wish you could have seen him. He was such an angel. I would give anything to hold him one last time, or to kiss him, or sing to him. My sweet baby boy.

I think that I have finally come to terms with it all. I don’t like it, but I’m ready to say “okay God, it hurts, but please use me for the destiny that you have prepared for me”. We had a special speaker at church on Sunday. One of the things he said hit me like a slap upside the face. He was talking about thinking outside of the box. He said “when life gives you disappointments, think of it as God’s appointment!” Wow, I am truly disappointed right now, but how can God use this, use me for His appointment? I’m ready, I think. To take it to the next level.

When I birthed Elijah, God birthed a spirit of intercession even more than I had before. I hurt so bad, and I felt like I could pray to the heavens for someone because I knew hurt. I didn’t know their hurt exactly, but I new what it was like to have your heart ripped out of your chest.

As I type this, the tears are really flowing. I know that there are some of you right now that are hurting and I want you to know that you are not alone. God did not forsake you. I’m reminded of the scripture:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jer 29:11

You may be in the thick of things. You may be run down and not a soul knows it but Jesus. You may feel like what you are going through is not a big deal to anyone. But it is to God. He sees your every tear. He hears your cries for help. He hurts with you.

Be encouraged today. There is HOPE in Jesus Christ. Remember when life gives you disappointments, use it for God’s appointment.

I’ve been starting to work on a book for Elijah. Looking at the pictures of him are incredibly hard, but necessary. I wanted to post a few. Please pray for us, I will be pleading on behalf of you to the Father!!!

Love to all,

Marsha

 

 

Happy Father's Day to my wonderful husband!

"The righteous man walks in his integrity; his children are blessed after him." Proverbs 20:7

Jeff, you continue to amaze me. You are such an amazing person for our children to look up to. Listed below are a few things that I am so thankful for all because of you!

Thank you for:

• always putting your family first
• showing the kids what a man of God is
• always making us laugh
• being a provider
• showing our kids how a husband should treat his wife
• facing fear head on
• never failing to play with the kids when they ask
• giving our girls flowers on their birthdays and at dances
• working around the house on weekends even when you don't feel like it
• making me Pecan Pie
• taking such great care of me after our babies were born
• calling me 15 times a day and not getting sick of me
• always turning on praise and worship to keep our "spirits" up
• Being so diligent at taking pictures so our kids don't forget anything that we have done with them, ie. Disney, the beach, 1st day of school, etc.
• staying with me through the trials of our marriage
• having such a tender heart
• working long hours on our Christmas DVD's every year and never complaining
• helping me keep things in perspective after we lost our babies
• being our real life hero
• being such a good MRI Tech. (even if I didn't know you, I would want you to scan me)
• loving us unconditionally
• proving in life and in death you will still serve God

I love you so much and thank God for you always. You are a blessing to so many people. I can't wait to spend 50 more Father's Days with you.

Love always,

Marsha

A REAL Housewife of Kansas City!

I'm afraid I don't have much interesting to post tonight. I feel like it's just been another ordinary week in the life of a "Real Housewife Of Kansas City". Since I last posted I had a HUGE yard sale. I'm talking Ginormous sale. Seriously, why did I feel compelled to keep every single thing from every child from the time that they wore born until now? We made over $300 so that's not to shabby. I was able to get somewhat organized while all our "stuff" was out of our storage and garage. Mom counted and I had 33 giant storage bins full of clothes. We still have a TON left. So now I'm sorting to donate, give away, take to resale shops and list on eBay and Craig's list.

It was much harder emotionally than I thought. To me it was memories, first toy, first trip to the zoo, first trip to the park, etc...To others it was just USED stuff. At first everything that left my hands was sentimental 1. because of my kiddos that used it and 2. because of my babies that will never use it. I felt like when it left my hands, it was memories AND dreams leaving with them.

I know, I'm crazy sentimental, but it's just the way I felt. I actually broke down at one point because someone bought our Rocker/Glider. I successfully nursed and rocked 3 precious babies to sleep every night in that chair for at least 5 or 6 years. I felt like it was still meant for Jordan, Mia, and Elijah. Letting it go, in a way, was letting them go. That's deep. Too deep to contemplate. I don't want to even think about it. But I HAD to. I cannot hang onto everything for the rest of our lives. So, by the end I was HAPPY to see it all go bye-bye!

I can see the look on Emmitt, Carleigh and Delaney's face a few years from now when I give them everything that I have been saving them IN A MOVING TRUCK! (I don't think that they would appreciate that do you?)

So the moral of the story, just LET IT GO, and the next time I say that I want to have a yard sale would someone please slap me??? They are a lot of work!

As I type Delaney is in her room doing everything BUT going to sleep for the night. Emmitt and Carleigh are playing together instead of reading their library books and Jeff is getting caught up on some much needed rest time. He has studied all weekend for his big test on Wednesday.

I'm getting ready to settle all snug in my bed while visions of a FUN week all dance through my head.

I have some good news to report. My brother in law's brother, Terry, has been battling cancer. To date his medical bills were over $300,000. He got word from his attorney this week that the drug company is going to pay for most of it. So not only is he cancer FREE, (in just 5 months) he's also a little more debt FREE!

Do you want to hear some more good news? We needed new brakes on the van and also rotors. Total it was going to cost around $800+ to get it fixed. My brother-in-law Tom works for GM. He has a buddy (who also works for GM, and is still thankfully employed) who is trained to change brakes and rotors and happily agreed to do it for us FREE OF COST. Tom wouldn't allow us to pay him either for the brakes, so it was entirely FREE>. Isn't God good?

I also have some not-so-good news to report. My friend was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on Monday. She's only 37 years old, is happily married and has a 4 and 8 year old. I haven't had a chance to talk to her personally yet, but I believe that God is going to heal her. So please pray for her.

That's all for now folks. Must.....get.......rest.......now!

Have an awesome week! Love to all!

Marsha

Things I LOVE other than my kids and hubby!

IKEA!!! My new favorite store. Very trendy, very affordable home decor. Emmitt has a tiny room, so we are looking at Loft Beds when we switch rooms.

Any Red Convertible!!! Mark my words, I will have a tiny red convertible one day. Don't I deserve one after driving a van around for so long? (I always said that I would never be a van person). 3 kids will do that!

Any book by Dr. Kevin Leman!!! He's an amazing down to earth author. Both of these books are worth getting. (Or checking out at the Library).

Beth Moore's Bible Study, It's tough being a woman!!!My newest read. My good friend Genny bought it for me while I was pregnant with Elijah, so I should be done already. (But I've been a little busy). So, I'm almost done with it! It will change your life!

The Children's Place!!! Great place to shop for those crazy moms that like to dress all of their kids alike, boys and girls.

Little Debbie Snack cakes!!! Mmmmm. My mouth is watering just typing this. Growing up my Nana had every kind of Little Debbie cake you could ever want. She would give them to us for breakfast. (Not nutritious, but whatdya' expect..she was a grandma). Unfortunately I carry a few extra pounds around because of "Debbie".

Paula Deen!!! Love this woman. Love her show. Love her restaurant (Best down home cooking I've ever had). Love her cookbooks. Love her books. LOVE her house!

Instyle Magazine!!! It's great for 30 somethings that need help not dressing like they were raised in the 90's!

There you have it. A few random things that I love and thought that I would share with you. (Don't you feel special).

Pray for me you all. We're having a Yard Sale tomorrow. Friday and Saturday. I basically have 8 years of baby items that I've been hanging on to for that "last" child. I'm not saying that we are done having babies (don't even want to think about it right now), but I know that I'm ready to get rid of that stuff. I kept the things that are sentimental, but the rest is just "stuff". I can get more if I ever get pregnant again right? (Again, don't even want to go there tonight).

Jeff had been very busy with school. He had his first quiz last night. He works so hard for us. Thank God that I have a faithful, Godly, loyal, funny, adorable, clumsy, and providing husband. I'm the lucky one.

My sweet angels have been fighting like cats and dogs lately. Blame it on summer and getting to bed late EVERY night of the week. They hardly EVER fight, but this week I have been stumbling to even find ways to even reprimand them for arguing. This too shall pass!

Love to all,

Marsha

The most random post yet!

I cannot believe that it's been so many days since I last posted. Wow, what a whirlwind of a week. I'm such a routine person, the craziness of the beginning of summer, and life's recent events have really thrown me into a tizzy. I'm a planner. I want to know what I'm doing 2 hours from now, 2 days from now, 2 years from now. Not knowing doesn't sit well with me.

I'm such a planner (Type A) that it's even takes me a while to write on the blog. I have to figure out what I want to say, come up with a title, read what I have wrote, change it, reread what I wrote and probably change it again. I don't want to be like that. I want my posts to be just that, posts of what life's like in our home. So, hopefully I will get better at this whole "blog" thing the longer I do it.

Anyway, since my last post I'm happy to say that I successfully taught my first Jazzercise class. I had a class FULL of supportive, loving and CRAZY Jazzercisers. We had fun and I don't think one of us cried. I however cried the minute I got back in the car to head home. I thought to myself "what did I just do?" I felt compelled to apologize to Elijah that life was going on without him. I don't want it to. But I told my dear friend Lorrie today, I don't want to live in the past either. I don't want last May or this past April to define me. It changed me, but if anything it has made me a better mother, wife, friend, sister, women, child of God. I didn't cry all day, so it was a success.

We spent Friday at a pool with some new friends of ours. It was nice to sit and just watch the kids play. I love, love, love hearing them laugh with their friends, and watching them improve in their swimming skills. Why do my kids think they need to eat 15 times while they are at the pool?

Today we spent the day celebrating Emmitt's last Upward Football game for the season. I cannot believe that we are done already. Where does the time go?

BTW...Delaney's new word for the week....boodie. She tries to use it in as many sentences as possible. About an hour ago I told Emmitt to get in the shower and I heard her yell up at him "Don't forget to wash your boodie!" She's such a character. God's going to use that fiestiness, I just know it. I however get to figure out how to reprimand her without laughing.

Pray for Carleigh. She has been having toothaches (ouch..I remember them when I was little). My children unfortunately have Jeff's teeth. Meaning they get tons of cavities. Emmitt had oral surgery at 5. Carleigh needs at least 6 teeth worked on. So, until we can get in with the dentist we have to listen to our little Drama Queen! (She gets it honest).

God has kept me up a few nights this week dealing with my heart. I believe that he is wanting to use my situation, and is just waiting for me to give it to Him. I wish that I could tell you that I've completely given it to Him. Honestly I do give it to Him a lot, and then I go take it back again. I tell him, "I'm mad at you, why did you let him go" and in the same breath I tell Him, "I love you, don't ever leave me." I just miss him so much. How is it that I miss someone so much that I never really knew? I told God that I am the last person that needs to minister to people, after all, I can't even keep my babies alive. Then He reminded me of the saying "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called". So there you have it. The story is to be continued. Tonight, in my brokenness, I'm laying it down once again.

Is there anything that you need to "lay" down and give to Him? If so what are you waiting for? If there is something you would like for me to pray with you about please leave a comment. You don't have to go into a huge explaination. It can be one word like money, or a relationship. My faith has been shaken to the very core, but I still know how to pray, and I know what God's word says.

Nigh-Night for now! I'm off to get three kiddos in bed, so getting ready for church in the morning doesn't kill them or me.

I'm so nervous I could puke!

Don't ya love the title? If you don't know already I teach my first Jazzercise class tommorrow morning at 8:30 a.m. It's been 8 weeks since my last class but it seems like forever. My body has changed so much. After all, I had a baby.

Carleigh asked this morning "Mommy, are you excited to start back to Jazzercise in the morning?" I didn't know how to answer that. Excited, not really. Do I feel like it's neccesary for the healing/grieveing process, I guess.

You see, it seems so ubserd to be grieving the loss of Eli, and dancing at the same time. I love to work out. I love to dance. But I feel like I've changed. I'm not ready to "cut loose" yet. I'm not the person I was 8 weeks ago.

However, just like every other thing that has to go back to normal, this is one of those things. I have to do it. I have to go on, even if I don't want to.

I also feel like I have forgotten everything so we shall see how it goes. I'm sure that it will be fine and the more I do it the easier it will get. But for now....I'm so nervous I could PUKE! (Hopefully I won't on stage). If you think of me around 9:00 a.m. in the morning I'll probably be dancing to the Hoedown Throwdown and smirking on the inside!

Anyway, what have you been up to?

We have been enjoying summer thus far. We have been busy with playdates, football, swimming, and staying up late watching movies.

We have also been talking about changing the kids room around AGAIN>>> I swear, I have swapped out kids rooms at least 5 or 6 times in the almost 8 years that we have lived here.

The joys of having 3 kids and 2 bedrooms. Right now Emmitt and Carleigh share a room and Delaney is by herself. Soon the girls will be together (hopefully for a while). And the boy will once again get a room of his own.

Kids often come over and comment about Emmitt and Carleigh sharing a room. They LOVE it and asked to be together. They are 19 months apart, so they are really close. They hardly EVER fight with one another. It works. But Emmitt is getting old and I'm sure he's going to need his "space". My baby is 8 years old. How did that happen? How did I become so old that I have an 8, 6 and 3 year old? Enough with the growing already kids.

So anyway, it will be fun to get to decorate once again. I love to paint and shop and see the looks on their faces the first night they get to stay in their "new room". It's bittersweet for me because I wish more than anything I was getting the rooms ready for Elijah. He was due August 21, so I'm sure that's what we would have been doing right about now. Oh well, It's all about E, C and D right now.

Jeff started an "adventure" this week. He graduated from college in 1997 (a week before we got married) with a degree in Radiology. Since moving to KC he has been able to move on and learn MRI and he absolutely loves it. He's amazing at it, and constantly gets comments from patients and Doc's about the way he treats people and his scans. (Yeah, I'm bragging, much love for my "baby daddy"). This week he started back to school to earn his bachelors degree in MRI. I'm so proud of him. He already works 2 jobs to provide for us, so I can stay home and the kids can attend a LSCCS. His classes will be 3 nights a week from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m.. Which means he will leave for work at 6:3o a.m and not return home until 10 p.m. That's why I called it an adventure! It will be long and hard for him, but I know that he can do it. Please pray for him. The class will be a breeze for him (since he deals with anatomy every single day) but I know that he will be very tired from it all.

Ok, I'm done talking about myself already. I'm sick of me.

Hope you had a great hump day!

The Mighty Mersh