The Power of Telling Your Story

Hello all!

Some of you have been asking for me to repost me speaking about my story.  Thankfully my story isn't finished yet. Below is the link to it.

http://vimeo.com/54637835


I also wanted to include a video that I did for an Author named Pamela Sonnenmoser.  This was a promo for her amazing book that she released about infertility called Beside The Empty Cradle.  So blessed to be a part of this project.  Definitely helped the healing process to help others.


http://youtu.be/XmlX1kkJjmA



I hope you enjoy them.  Thank you for being a part of my journey.

Marsha

In pursuit of FUN!

I'm not going to lie, the last month has been really hard.  With my PawPaw's passing, the crazy end of the school year schedule, and Jeff finishing up his college.  I have been stressed, sad, and busy and felt guilty for feeling all of those things.

So to counteract the fact that things have been hard I have found myself trying to make everything "FUN".  With play dates, movie nights, sleepovers, Worlds Of Fun trips, and much more.

This is what I have sounded like: Did you have fun? Won't that be such fun? What would you like to do for fun? Wasn't that fun? I want to have fun.  Notice the pattern?

My mother in law posted something on Facebook yesterday that I thought was beautiful.  This is what she said:


We take so much for granted. I am sitting on my back deck looking out at our beautiful yard. My rosé garden is more beautiful than ever. The grass is so green. The trees are extended with their branches high in the air with the leaves waving at each other. Birds are talking to each other in a language only they can understand. In the distance I hear a mower. The beauty of God's Grace is bestowed on our earth.



In thinking about what she wrote I realized that I have been taking things for granted in my pursuit of fun.


You see I've been so busy pursuing fun I haven't really been having any.  Dare I say I've taken the little things for granted this past month?

I decided last night that I'm going to try even harder to not take things for granted.

Like the fact that my mother and father have always been there for us.  That they have been married for 42 years now through life's ups and downs.  

Or the fact that my husband is a great father and such a provider for our family that I was able to stay at home and watch my children grow for 11 years.  That he loves me for better or worse (trust me), for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.  We have had all of that in the last 16 years we have been married.

Or that my mother in law raised him well and she is where he gets his tender heart from.

Of the fact that my children are beautiful, healthy, intelligent, spirited beings.

May I never forget to be thankful for having a roof over my head, or clothes and food for my family.

I need to remember that my sister after many years of struggling with not having children, health issues and weight is finally in a happy place.  And that she has a husband who adores her.

May I never take for granted my amazing church and church family.  They have been there for us through our darkest moment in life.  

Or that my niece still likes to hang out with me at 23 years old.

Or that we own our own vehicles and home.

That I live in a country where I can be free to worship my God.  

I could go on for days about what I am thankful for but often take for granted.

Today I'm starting a new pattern.  I'm going to look for things around me to be thankful for and not miss the little things I take for granted.  Would you join me?

On a good day, enjoy yourself;

On a bad day, examine your consequence.

God arranges for you both kind of days,

So that you won't take anything for granted.

Ecclesiastes 7:14   (The Messege Bible)

Precious Memories

Memories

They are what we have left of him now.

I will never forget the way he called me “Shug”

The way he looked on Christmas after we opened our gifts…he would go to his bedroom and come out with a roll or two of quarters that he hand rolled for each of his grandchildren.

Pulling up to his house and hearing him tell us how Jeff and I had a “keen” car.

Sitting on the porch with him watching the storm roll in.

Riding in his truck with Jenee singing “Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way, Oh what fun it is to ride in PawPaw’s Chevrolet.

I have so many memories of him when I was little. Too many to mention today. We spent many summers, and holidays at Nana and PawPaw’s.

One of my most favorite memories happened three summers ago.  If you knew PawPaw in his later years you know that he couldn’t hear very well.  Often he would cup his hand over his ear when he was trying to hear what you were saying to him.

This particular day I had brought my children to spend time with him and NaNa.  They loved their house as much as we did.  What’s not to love about an infinite supply of treats, Little Debbie cakes, tractor rides, hugs, kisses and stories.  PawPaw decided that he would get his tractor out and give my kids a ride in the wagon attached to the back.  Just like he used to do with me when I was little.  They had so much fun.  It was the first and last time they were ever able to do that with him.  After they got off he put his tractor away and we walked around the yard as he showed me his sheds.  My youngest, Delaney, who was 4 years old at the time walked up to him, tugged on his pant leg and said “PawPaw can my do that again?”  He looked at her and clearly didn’t hear what she said so she repeated a little louder “PawPaw can my do that again?’ he looked at me, shrugged his shoulder and said “I can’t hear her hun?” So she stepped up to him, cupped her ear and yelled “PawPaw, CAN MY DO THAT AGAIN?”  To which he said “Huh?” I don’t think he ever understood what she was asking.  I laughed as he walked away.

Another memory that I have so vividly was after he had his stroke.  Angie and I stayed the night with him at the hospital.  He was very disoriented.  It was hard to keep him still and in bed.  Around 4 a.m. in the morning he decided he was going to get up and go mow the lawn.  So Angie and I trying to keep him from getting agitated just went with it.  We told him to lay still and we would take care of the yards.  He was pointing to imaginary keys on the wall that we pretended to grab.  He had us get the flashlight out and spotlight the room. Picture him having me at one point shine the flashlight above Angie’s head and had her reach frantically for the keys.  I looked at her and said “He’s completely sane now he’s just playing tricks on us.”

That last memory I wanted to share today is of my most memorable conversation I had with him. I have never ever talked with PawPaw about Jesus, God, faith, or anything like that.  I had heard him say he prays to the Good Lord but that was the extent of our spiritual talks.  The day he had his stroke we rushed down and I felt I needed to have that conversation with him should he pass away that day.  It was uncomfortable for me and I waited for the right moment when things were calm and there wasn’t a lot of people in the room.  I leaned in and asked him how he felt, in his spirit, meaning if he were to die today did he feel like he would meet Jesus?  To which he replied “Yes, I know Jesus, I talk to him every day.  If I have an ache or a pain I point to it and pray and he heals me.  And then for what seemed like an hour but was probably closer to a few minutes he began to quote scripture verse after verse, not missing words.  Keep in mind that he had just had a stroke and didn’t even know who I or he was at the moment.  But that word was deeply rooted in his spirit.  I am so thankful that I got a chance to pray with him that day.  When the nurse walked in he started to tell him “I was worried about how I was going to pay for all of this but we just prayed and I know God is going to work it all out because his word will not return void.”  I just happened to glance up at NaNa who was the only other person in the room and she sat in her chair shocked with her mouth wide open.  I think she thought that after all of those years together he had tuned her out.

So this memory is bittersweet for me.  I will miss him so much but I cling to the hope that I will see him again one day.  I have been telling him goodbye a little every day in my heart for the last year and nine months.  I knew this day would come.  And I know that saying goodbye to him is not the end.  Thankfully I will see him again.

My family got a chance after his stroke to love on him, tell him we loved him a million times, and take care of him like he had done for us through the years.  I call them bonus days with him. 

I will hold on to these memories so tightly.  Keeping him alive in my mind.

May I never forgot his laugh, the way he looked as he sat at the kitchen table eating his bologna sandwich with mayonnaise and onion, how he always had a dollar to give my children as we left to go home, they way he looked driving his prized red Chevy truck, or the way he looked from behind with his gray hair and wrinkly neck and blue jeans.

I have three babies in heaven right now. Although I know we will miss him on earth, Friday morning my angels just got to meet their Great PawPaw Leo. And I know that he will take care of them for me until we are all reunited.  

Thank you for letting me share my memories of a man I love dearly. And remember….Goodbye is not the end!

Happy Birthday Sweet Mia!

5 years with Jesus. In Heaven. With my loved ones that have passed.

That's how long my sweet Mia has been there. Those of you that have followed my story know that I gave birth to a sweet little girl on May 16th that was too precious for this earth.   We held her, kissed her, loved on her, told her how beautiful she was and how much we would miss watching her grow.

Sometimes it seems like forever ago and sometimes it seems like a minute.

At this point I don't ask for answers.  I have accepted the fact that it wasn't meant for Jeff and I to watch her grow. I choose not to spend my life wondering what if, why and how come?

So today, I tell her story with a smile on my face and love in my heart.

My baby girl is with Jesus. My Grandma and Grandpa Thurman. My great grandparents. Jeff's sweet Grandpa and Grandma Hasty.  Grandpa West. Grandpa King. Uncle Randy. My other babies-Jordan and Elijah. And many others.

She will soon meet PawPaw Leo. Is it weird that it gives me comfort in knowing that he will be with her and take care of her and his other grandchildren until we get there?  If so, oh well.

I tell you today that I wouldn't have made it without my husband, family, Jazzercise family, church family, and HOPE that I would see her again.

Thank you all for helping me keep her memory alive. Thank you for letting me tell her story when miscarriage and infant loss is a taboo subject to talk about.  Thank you for listening, encouraging, comforting, praying, laughing, supporting and just being there.

My life changed the day we met her five years ago and told her goodbye. But thanks to you all that's not the end of the story.

Mia Hope Hasty is a known name.  Her little body was tiny but she was beautiful and had "weight" in this world. 

I am the lucky one. I was chosen to be her momma and tell her story.  I will as long as I live.

Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Girl! I miss you. I love you so much!

How big is your circle?

I am a Christian.  Not a weird, holy roller, snake dancing, religious freak.  Just a Christian.

My definition of being a Christian is to be Christ-like.

I'm full of sin, imperfections, pride and faults too numerous to count.  Most days I am far from being Christ-like but at least I strive to be.

I feel like because I claim to be I automatically get grouped in the gay bashing, full of hate, better than everyone else group.

That's just not me.

Watching the Bible series on the History Channel a few weeks ago reminded me that Jesus hung out with the outcasts, the hated ones, the poor, the unpopular crowd.

My goal my entire life (even in high school) was to NOT  be grouped with a certain type of friends.  Popular, unpopular, cheerleading clique, etc.

As I get older I realize that I still fight so hard to NOT be grouped with a certain type of people.

I want to love as Jesus loved, forgive has He still forgives, humble and not full of pride, and be  HOPE giver.  I want to speak life into your deepest darkest hours.

I believe that we all have a Circle of Influence.  You don't have to believe in God to have one.

You see eyes are always watching you.  People watch what you say on Facebook and social media, how you react to life's situations, how you treat people.  You may not realize it but it's true.  Having children brought that to home for me.  Little eyes are always watching me. YIKES!

So with that in mind I really try to go above and beyond to make up for the crazy Christians I try so hard to not be grouped with.  I tip big, leave hotel rooms spotless when we leave, smile and call a cashier by name, thank people, hold doors for people and smile, you know, little things that could make someones day.  Most importantly I do the right thing when NO ONE is watching.

So I'm asking you today-How big is your Circle of Influence?  No pressure but eyes are on you today.

I encourage you to go out there and change the world.  One good deed at a time.  Not because you are trying to be a good Christian, or appear to be perfect, but because you are a good person. Period.  I believe it makes the heart of God smile.  He's already so proud of you!

He's Still Working on me....THANKFULLY

There is an old song that I heard the Wallen family children sing probably no less than 100 times when I was young.  One of the verses goes like this:

"There really ought to be a sign upon my heart
  Don't judge me yet there's an unfinished part
  But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
  Fashioned by the masters loving hands"

I thought of the song today as I was weeding my memorial garden.  There were new weeds that had grown in over the winter covering the beautiful white rock that we picked out to go just perfect in the garden.  As I was pulling them I thought to myself "I'm not getting the root, I'm only taking the top off making it look pretty".  I stopped for a second to think about that. I was only making it look pretty temporarily.....but the root would make it grow back.

God so softly spoke into my heart "What other areas of your life do you make look pretty?  But you know the root is still there don't you?"  OUCH.  Talk about stepping on my toes a little.  

It's SO true.  

You see I'm a stasher.  My house most days is ready for company.  I like to clean.  I like organization.  I like things to look pretty. I like perfect.

But....I also stash things.  My sub basement most days is a complete disaster because no one usually sees that part of my home.  I work on the parts of my home that people see, but what they can't see is a MESS.

For instance, if you walked into my cute French Country kitchen you would probably think it's clean.  However I dare you to open up my Tupperware door.  You would find this:

Boy I'm literally airing my dirty laundry aren't I?

On the surface everything is neat and clean and pretty.  But please don't touch the spice door or you may just end up wearing the cinnamon as it falls on you.

So, my God moment today taught me to quit stashing and making things look pretty.  It doesn't do me any good to pull life's weeds if the root still remains.  I need to work on the ROOT of issues.  I need to let God work on the root and make me into what He wants me to be.

Sometimes I think I have learned so much in my 36 years and then WAMMO something knocks me down and helps me realize I have so much more to learn.

I don't have it all together.  My life sometimes isn't very pretty.  We live in a photoshop-autocorrect world.  If we don't like the way we look in a certain picture we can simply correct it with a filter and then it's perfect.

So what I'm telling you is this-maybe together you and I can just be real?  Not pretty-real!  Let's let God mold us into His image instead of a perfect image that we've created.  Without Him we can do nothing anyway.  (I've learned that the hard way).

Hope you have a wonderful weekend.  Tomorrow is my little Elijah's birthday. Bittersweet.

Blessings,

Marsha

I get this way every year, pardon me.

It happens every year like clockwork.  I spend December planning for the Christmas. 

January planning for Delaney's birthday in February.

February celebrating Delaney's birthday and planning for Emmitt's birthday in March.

March we spoil our firstborn son in as many ways possible and prepare for Easter.

And then along comes April.

What is it about April that makes me have a flood of emotions on opposite sides?

You see on Sunday, April 7th we will celebrate our son Elijah's birthday.  I had him 4 years ago. I said hello and goodbye. I said hello and GOODBYE.

I'm okay.  I really am. I miss him and all the things I never had the chance to do with him on this earth.  However, Carleigh and Delaney never forget to remind me that it is his birthday.  And every year like clock work they want to have a party for him also.

So we find ourselves planning something for him because after all he is their brother and our son.  I usually find something to put around the memorial garden for him.

I will say it doesn't sting as much to think about him as it did a few years ago.  Now when I think of him I have peace and usually end up with a smile on my face.  (That is a MIRACLE). I never thought I would be able to say that.

So if you see me come April 7th and I'm acting a little funny, indifferent, not like myself you will know why.  I try to be strong but when it comes down to it I just REALLY wish I had him still.  That is never going to change. I'm a mom who has lost three of her children, two of which I held in my arms. 

And then comes Mia's birthday on May 16th, 5 years ago. 

And for those of you out there that try to comfort me by saying things like "Just be thankful for what you have". Well, I AM. It doesn't make me miss him any less or mean that I love him more than my other children. So please, I don't want to hear it. I pray you never know what it's like to lose a child because then you would know.

That's all for now.  Not a "fun" post. I don't want to pretend that I have it all together. Just me being REAL with you, and I hope that okay.

I promise, I will be my cheery self next post okay?  Maybe I'll even throw in some of Delaney's quotes.  That is surely to make you laugh.

We also have lots of fun things planned for April at the Hasty Household. 

Praying your April is full of Spring fun and blessings!

Marsha