I've been MIA from the blog for a few months. I apologize. If I'm honest I would say that I don't find myself interesting enough to blog a lot. Or I could say that I've been so busy (which I have) but honestly the first reason is the main reason.
My heart breaks this morning as I learned that the family member of a friend I've known for years now found out that they miscarried a baby. It brings to surface where I was at a few years back and those feelings aren't fun.
Last Sunday Jeff and I did a Cardboard Testimony at our church. If you've never seen on there are several on Youtube. We represented how God turned Loss and Grief into Hope and Peace. To say I cried a little is an understatement. I cried so much my head hurt for the rest of they day. As much as we love to get up and talk about how we have HOPE in Jesus that we will see our babies again one day, it never takes away the fact that we would just rather have them here with us to watch them grow. We have had huge loss three times. Each time we never thought we would make it through, but we did.
As time goes on we find more and more opportunities to help others that are experiencing the same kind of loss. A loss that's hard for a person to talk about, taboo at times, but oh so real. You see when a couple finds out they are pregnant they immediately start having hopes and dreams for that baby. And when they find out that baby has passed away all of their hope and dreams pass away right along with the baby.
Just because you cannot see the baby inside of them doesn't mean that they loved them any less than if they carried a baby to full term. (Read that again, that's powerful).
I was reminded on Monday of a friend who's son went to be with Jesus 7 years ago. You would never know the hurt she was experiencing that day, the process she was going through. She was just wonderful, sweet, encouraging Barbara that day.
To the one just experiencing the grief process and hurt from losing a precious child, I'm SO sorry. I wish we never have to experience things like this. Do whatever you need to to heal. You get a hall pass on this, take as much time as you need. You will make it! I promise. If I can so can you.
To the one who has a loved one who has experienced the loss of a baby or child can I give you some advice? Please be patient with them. Their hurt and loss is real, even if you never saw the baby yourself. Love on them, try not to tell them what to be thankful for (trust me, they don't want to hear it) and just be there for them. Nothing you say really makes it better anyway. It's something they have to go through.
I apologize for the not so fun subject. As I leave you today my heart is thankful that even though I too have experienced holding my sweet babies and then letting them go, that I can be used by God to help others.
I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember all that you have to be thankful for!
Much love,
Marsha
Friday, November 22, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
The Evolution Of A Mom
Do you make lists? To do list, goals, honey do's, work to complete, New Years Resolutions?
I used to think my Nana was crazy when I was little because she had notes everywhere, in bread boxes, in her purse, on her kitchen table. Now that I'm a little older I completely understand why. My memory isn't what it used to be.
With yet another birthday quickly approaching (blah), I started making a list in my head of what has happened between my 36th and almost 37th year of life. It was pretty astounding. I have changed a lot in the last year. One can never know what will happen from one year to the next, however this year had expectational turns and twists.
My youngest turned 7, my middle child 10 and my oldest 12. We celebrated my PawPaw's 87th birthday, and a milestone birthday of 40 for my husband. We also spent another year celebrating the birth of our angel babies, Mia and Elijah with great sadness and great joy.
In November our newest family member arrived, Buddy the Elf. I spent many nights from Thanksgiving until Christmas trying to make Buddy more funny and more clever than the night before. It was great fun and oh so much pressure.
Christmas was pretty much a blur however we tried to slow down as much a possible and enjoy the most wonderful time of the year.
There were snow storms (too many to count), rainy days, happy days, busy days, work days, sad days, birthday parties, family celebrations, and many more fun days that I have probably already forgotten about.
There was a milestone for our family in May when Jeff graduated from his most favorite school, Mizzou. It was a family event as we all had to sacrifice time with dad in order for him to reach his goals and dreams. Although he undoubtedly did all of the work. Our oldest graduated from 6th grade as well which wasn't nearly as big of deal for him than it was for his mom and dad.
May also brought about another change as we said goodbye to my PawPaw after two years of being ill. He was the sweetest grandpa to me and I am forever changed the day he went to be with Jesus. I miss him more than I ever thought he could and just yesterday was brought to tears remembering him. I have feelings of joy because I was SO BLESSED to have him as long as I did, and I know I will meet him again one day. I learned that I could stand up and talk at his funeral and make him proud. Me being the emotional person that I am never thought that day would come. But I did it. And I'm not so certain that I could have done that just a year before.
There was mounds of laundry, tons of laughs, endless days of cleaning, tears, prayers, and thankfully more exercise than the year before.
This year I have watched my dad's health decline. He was diagnosed with Neuropathy in his feet and legs. Which has caused him to lose over 40 pounds and be in excruciating pain a times. More than he can bare and more than I or our family could stand to watch. He went from being independent and working to now not being able to work and needing a cane, or walker at times. Talking about learning to lean on Jesus.....well that is what my entire family is doing concerning his health at the moment.
I learned a few more things in the last year as well. Like I really really like Edamame and Hummus. I have always said that I don't like sweets, however the older I get the more I'm finding that something sweet after a meal is wonderful every now and again. (However, I still don't eat adult sized portions of sweets).
I became someone that speaks her mind. ME. I can't even believe it myself. I'm usually the person that likes to sweep things under the rug and act like conflict doesn't exist. I learned that it's okay if I don't agree with someone and my opinion is valid. Am I rude about it? No. I disagree agreeably. Chances are after all I'm never going to change a persons mind anyway.
I learned to say NO. Not normally a big deal for most, however I am a "YES" person you see. I don't like to let people down so I would usually just say yes to everything. But I learn to prioritize what's important and what isn't important in this season of my life.
Just recently I sat with my very sick sister in the hospital for almost a week and realized how much I didn't ever want to be without her. I was more scared to lose her than I have ever been in my life. Not fun in the least bit, but yet part of life.
I also learned that it's alright for mom to have dreams and goals of her own. That it may mean sacrifice for a time for our family but if it betters our family it is worth every sacrifice.
I was also reminded this year that no matter how much I think I have things under control I have to realize that God is the author of my life. End of story.
Everything that I mentioned may not seem like such a big deal for you, but for me it's HUGE. Growth. Evolution.
I'm not writing this to brag on myself and act like I have everything figured out because I am far from that. Growth is a beautiful albeit painful thing. I am letting you know because if I can evolve YOU can to.
I may start 37 with a few more grey hairs and wrinkles, but I wouldn't change what I learned this year for anything!
Have a wonderful week friends. Embrace the evolution.
Much Love,
Marsha
I used to think my Nana was crazy when I was little because she had notes everywhere, in bread boxes, in her purse, on her kitchen table. Now that I'm a little older I completely understand why. My memory isn't what it used to be.
With yet another birthday quickly approaching (blah), I started making a list in my head of what has happened between my 36th and almost 37th year of life. It was pretty astounding. I have changed a lot in the last year. One can never know what will happen from one year to the next, however this year had expectational turns and twists.
My youngest turned 7, my middle child 10 and my oldest 12. We celebrated my PawPaw's 87th birthday, and a milestone birthday of 40 for my husband. We also spent another year celebrating the birth of our angel babies, Mia and Elijah with great sadness and great joy.
In November our newest family member arrived, Buddy the Elf. I spent many nights from Thanksgiving until Christmas trying to make Buddy more funny and more clever than the night before. It was great fun and oh so much pressure.
Christmas was pretty much a blur however we tried to slow down as much a possible and enjoy the most wonderful time of the year.
There were snow storms (too many to count), rainy days, happy days, busy days, work days, sad days, birthday parties, family celebrations, and many more fun days that I have probably already forgotten about.
There was a milestone for our family in May when Jeff graduated from his most favorite school, Mizzou. It was a family event as we all had to sacrifice time with dad in order for him to reach his goals and dreams. Although he undoubtedly did all of the work. Our oldest graduated from 6th grade as well which wasn't nearly as big of deal for him than it was for his mom and dad.
May also brought about another change as we said goodbye to my PawPaw after two years of being ill. He was the sweetest grandpa to me and I am forever changed the day he went to be with Jesus. I miss him more than I ever thought he could and just yesterday was brought to tears remembering him. I have feelings of joy because I was SO BLESSED to have him as long as I did, and I know I will meet him again one day. I learned that I could stand up and talk at his funeral and make him proud. Me being the emotional person that I am never thought that day would come. But I did it. And I'm not so certain that I could have done that just a year before.
There was mounds of laundry, tons of laughs, endless days of cleaning, tears, prayers, and thankfully more exercise than the year before.
This year I have watched my dad's health decline. He was diagnosed with Neuropathy in his feet and legs. Which has caused him to lose over 40 pounds and be in excruciating pain a times. More than he can bare and more than I or our family could stand to watch. He went from being independent and working to now not being able to work and needing a cane, or walker at times. Talking about learning to lean on Jesus.....well that is what my entire family is doing concerning his health at the moment.
I learned a few more things in the last year as well. Like I really really like Edamame and Hummus. I have always said that I don't like sweets, however the older I get the more I'm finding that something sweet after a meal is wonderful every now and again. (However, I still don't eat adult sized portions of sweets).
I became someone that speaks her mind. ME. I can't even believe it myself. I'm usually the person that likes to sweep things under the rug and act like conflict doesn't exist. I learned that it's okay if I don't agree with someone and my opinion is valid. Am I rude about it? No. I disagree agreeably. Chances are after all I'm never going to change a persons mind anyway.
I learned to say NO. Not normally a big deal for most, however I am a "YES" person you see. I don't like to let people down so I would usually just say yes to everything. But I learn to prioritize what's important and what isn't important in this season of my life.
Just recently I sat with my very sick sister in the hospital for almost a week and realized how much I didn't ever want to be without her. I was more scared to lose her than I have ever been in my life. Not fun in the least bit, but yet part of life.
I also learned that it's alright for mom to have dreams and goals of her own. That it may mean sacrifice for a time for our family but if it betters our family it is worth every sacrifice.
I was also reminded this year that no matter how much I think I have things under control I have to realize that God is the author of my life. End of story.
Everything that I mentioned may not seem like such a big deal for you, but for me it's HUGE. Growth. Evolution.
I'm not writing this to brag on myself and act like I have everything figured out because I am far from that. Growth is a beautiful albeit painful thing. I am letting you know because if I can evolve YOU can to.
I may start 37 with a few more grey hairs and wrinkles, but I wouldn't change what I learned this year for anything!
Have a wonderful week friends. Embrace the evolution.
Much Love,
Marsha
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
When I grow up?
When I was little I wanted to be a Teacher, a Beautician, a Veterinarian or a Marine Biologist.
As I became older and started thinking about college I decided that I didn't want to be a beautician because I didn't want to work nights and Saturdays. I didn't want to be a veterinarian because I would never want to put an animal down. I couldn't be a marine biologist because there are no oceans in Missouri where my family was.
In 1994 at the age of 17, a senior in High School I started college. I was going to become a teacher. I made it through several classes with flying colors. Until I had to take a math class in which I had to teach math (my least favorite subject) to elementary children. Ummmmm, what? I struggled with math, how in the world was I going to teach a first grader math? Fear and doubt crept in. I felt dumb and like I totally missed the mark on becoming a teacher.
So I changed majors, graduated with a Business Management/Computer degree. (Which ironically I had to take numerous accounting and math classes to earn this degree).
Guess what my jobs where after I graduated? A bank, a mortgage company, and a large church in which I helped in the accounting department. I used math all day every day. The very thing that detoured me from becoming a teacher.
I always felt in my heart that I still didn't know what I wanted to be when I grow up.
Until Emmitt Michael Hasty graced us with his presence in 2001. One look at his sweet chubby face and I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grow up.....a mommy and wife. That was my calling. I didn't have one ounce of doubt or fear. I was going to be the best mommy possible to him. I was going to be with him for every step, every first tooth, every first word and every just plain ordinary day I could.
Can I tell you something about my God? My God made a way for me to be home full time with Emmitt, Carleigh and Delaney for 11 years. Over a decade. I didn't miss a thing and have NO regrets.
But something happened, they grew up. Last year we put them in public school after two years of homeschooling and several years of being in a Christian school. They were gone all day, and I was by myself in a quiet and clean house. It was a healing process for me because had I not lost Jordan, Mia or Elijah I would have still had children at home. I had to come to terms with the fact that I have to move on now. (As I type with tears streaming).
I have done a lot of soul searching. I have learned that I really do not have control over much (I'm such a control freak). My life is in God's hands and I must seek his will for my life, even when it hurts deeper than I ever thought it could.
With much anticipation, anxiety, and encouragement from my husband I started back to college last night. To pursue a dream. To not be average. To do things that matter. I'm considering becoming a teacher again and this time I will not listen to lies that I'm not smart enough. If I continue down this path I will become a teacher at almost 40 years old.(3 years from now). 20+ years after I set out to become one. However, this time around I will be able to pour out the knowledge and love that I have learned from being a stay at home mom all those years. But I still don't feel grown yet?
I want to encourage you today. Do not listen to self-doubt, lies and haters. Go for your dreams. You are guaranteed to miss 100% of the chances you don't take!
As I became older and started thinking about college I decided that I didn't want to be a beautician because I didn't want to work nights and Saturdays. I didn't want to be a veterinarian because I would never want to put an animal down. I couldn't be a marine biologist because there are no oceans in Missouri where my family was.
In 1994 at the age of 17, a senior in High School I started college. I was going to become a teacher. I made it through several classes with flying colors. Until I had to take a math class in which I had to teach math (my least favorite subject) to elementary children. Ummmmm, what? I struggled with math, how in the world was I going to teach a first grader math? Fear and doubt crept in. I felt dumb and like I totally missed the mark on becoming a teacher.
So I changed majors, graduated with a Business Management/Computer degree. (Which ironically I had to take numerous accounting and math classes to earn this degree).
Guess what my jobs where after I graduated? A bank, a mortgage company, and a large church in which I helped in the accounting department. I used math all day every day. The very thing that detoured me from becoming a teacher.
I always felt in my heart that I still didn't know what I wanted to be when I grow up.
Until Emmitt Michael Hasty graced us with his presence in 2001. One look at his sweet chubby face and I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grow up.....a mommy and wife. That was my calling. I didn't have one ounce of doubt or fear. I was going to be the best mommy possible to him. I was going to be with him for every step, every first tooth, every first word and every just plain ordinary day I could.
Can I tell you something about my God? My God made a way for me to be home full time with Emmitt, Carleigh and Delaney for 11 years. Over a decade. I didn't miss a thing and have NO regrets.
But something happened, they grew up. Last year we put them in public school after two years of homeschooling and several years of being in a Christian school. They were gone all day, and I was by myself in a quiet and clean house. It was a healing process for me because had I not lost Jordan, Mia or Elijah I would have still had children at home. I had to come to terms with the fact that I have to move on now. (As I type with tears streaming).
I have done a lot of soul searching. I have learned that I really do not have control over much (I'm such a control freak). My life is in God's hands and I must seek his will for my life, even when it hurts deeper than I ever thought it could.
With much anticipation, anxiety, and encouragement from my husband I started back to college last night. To pursue a dream. To not be average. To do things that matter. I'm considering becoming a teacher again and this time I will not listen to lies that I'm not smart enough. If I continue down this path I will become a teacher at almost 40 years old.(3 years from now). 20+ years after I set out to become one. However, this time around I will be able to pour out the knowledge and love that I have learned from being a stay at home mom all those years. But I still don't feel grown yet?
I want to encourage you today. Do not listen to self-doubt, lies and haters. Go for your dreams. You are guaranteed to miss 100% of the chances you don't take!
Sunday, August 11, 2013
He's kind of a big deal!
I have been on a journey as of late. A good but painful journey. You all may remember from past posts that change is very hard for me. But thankfully as I get older it gets a little easier. (I'm totally lying in hopes that one day it will).
Summer of 2013 has brought several changes for our little family. Up until two weeks ago my oldest (Emmitt) starting middle school was not a big deal.
I will always remember standing in line with my 12 year old (who is almost taller than me) at Pleasant Lea Middle School signing him up for 7th grade. I thought several things.....Wasn't he just starting kindergarten? ....Man I feel OLD!.....Why do all of these 7th grade girls look like 16 year olds?
That day it dawned on me, my little boy is approaching adolescene. At the very door step of it in fact.
Yet another change for all of us. As hard as it is on his momma, I welcome it. Emmitt's First Grade teacher, Mrs. Casey (we love you) taught me to enjoy every season in his life. Not to look at him getting older as a bad thing, but to enjoy the opportunities that will come his way and watching him grow into the man that God has created him to be. We get a front row seat. (How lucky are we?)
I'm not going to lie and say that there hasn't been tears shed this week. There has been a lot of them. But not with sadness like I used to feel in these situations. With a feeling of an old season passing and a new season for us quickly approaching. Ready or not, hear it comes.
So many times as a parent we have to say little goodbyes to our children's childhood. Like when they start school or spend the night at a friends house and you realize they don't need you as much as you thought. How about when they go off to camp and don't even miss you? Yes, all parts of growing up but not just for the child, for the parents as well.
But thankfully with the faith that Jeff and I share, and the trust that we have in Jesus Christ, we know that they are in good hands. They are just on loan to us as parents. It's all God's anyway isn't it?
The word TRUST comes to mind. We have to TRUST the process. We have to TRUST God's word. We have to TRUST that we have raised Emmitt well and that he will make good choices when we are not in his ear telling them what to do.
Hebrews 10:23 says: Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be Trusted to keep his promise.
Did you get that? Maybe you have been let down by others lately. (I know I have). Maybe you have lost your trust in others. I want you to understand that God can be TRUSTed with his promises. He doesn't waiver. We have hope.
We can TRUST him even when it comes to our children (which sometimes we feel like belong to us more than Him). We can trust him with our life. I can TRUST Him with Emmitt's life.
Since I have your attention can I take a minute to tell you about my boy? He's extremely smart and his vocabulary is outstanding. (He gets that from his father). Just yesterday we took him to an aquarium and his sentence started with "Mom, did you know that in greek mythology the seahorse is named Hippocampus which means crooked horse.?" He retains much of what he reads which amazes me every time. (Again, gets that from his dad). He reads on average a novel a week if not more. He's usually pretty quiet and reserved. He's been known to be loud with is friends but only on a special occasion. He doesn't mind giving hugs or saying he loves us. At the age of one he was taking things apart so he could figure out how they worked and how they go back together. He's had one girlfriend (by girlfriend I mean they texted each other) in which he declared "Girls are a lot of work, they always want to talk about their feelings." I told him it only go worse. He's kind of a big deal. (I'm his mom, let me brag).
So tomorrow morning I will send him on his way...TRUSTing that he will be okay. I cannot guarantee that I will not shed more tears, but I can guarantee that I will TRUST God no matter how I feel.
Love you Emmitt Michael Hasty!
Summer of 2013 has brought several changes for our little family. Up until two weeks ago my oldest (Emmitt) starting middle school was not a big deal.
I will always remember standing in line with my 12 year old (who is almost taller than me) at Pleasant Lea Middle School signing him up for 7th grade. I thought several things.....Wasn't he just starting kindergarten? ....Man I feel OLD!.....Why do all of these 7th grade girls look like 16 year olds?
That day it dawned on me, my little boy is approaching adolescene. At the very door step of it in fact.
Yet another change for all of us. As hard as it is on his momma, I welcome it. Emmitt's First Grade teacher, Mrs. Casey (we love you) taught me to enjoy every season in his life. Not to look at him getting older as a bad thing, but to enjoy the opportunities that will come his way and watching him grow into the man that God has created him to be. We get a front row seat. (How lucky are we?)
I'm not going to lie and say that there hasn't been tears shed this week. There has been a lot of them. But not with sadness like I used to feel in these situations. With a feeling of an old season passing and a new season for us quickly approaching. Ready or not, hear it comes.
So many times as a parent we have to say little goodbyes to our children's childhood. Like when they start school or spend the night at a friends house and you realize they don't need you as much as you thought. How about when they go off to camp and don't even miss you? Yes, all parts of growing up but not just for the child, for the parents as well.
But thankfully with the faith that Jeff and I share, and the trust that we have in Jesus Christ, we know that they are in good hands. They are just on loan to us as parents. It's all God's anyway isn't it?
The word TRUST comes to mind. We have to TRUST the process. We have to TRUST God's word. We have to TRUST that we have raised Emmitt well and that he will make good choices when we are not in his ear telling them what to do.
Hebrews 10:23 says: Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be Trusted to keep his promise.
Did you get that? Maybe you have been let down by others lately. (I know I have). Maybe you have lost your trust in others. I want you to understand that God can be TRUSTed with his promises. He doesn't waiver. We have hope.
We can TRUST him even when it comes to our children (which sometimes we feel like belong to us more than Him). We can trust him with our life. I can TRUST Him with Emmitt's life.
Since I have your attention can I take a minute to tell you about my boy? He's extremely smart and his vocabulary is outstanding. (He gets that from his father). Just yesterday we took him to an aquarium and his sentence started with "Mom, did you know that in greek mythology the seahorse is named Hippocampus which means crooked horse.?" He retains much of what he reads which amazes me every time. (Again, gets that from his dad). He reads on average a novel a week if not more. He's usually pretty quiet and reserved. He's been known to be loud with is friends but only on a special occasion. He doesn't mind giving hugs or saying he loves us. At the age of one he was taking things apart so he could figure out how they worked and how they go back together. He's had one girlfriend (by girlfriend I mean they texted each other) in which he declared "Girls are a lot of work, they always want to talk about their feelings." I told him it only go worse. He's kind of a big deal. (I'm his mom, let me brag).
So tomorrow morning I will send him on his way...TRUSTing that he will be okay. I cannot guarantee that I will not shed more tears, but I can guarantee that I will TRUST God no matter how I feel.
Love you Emmitt Michael Hasty!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Until Death Do Us Part.
The Hasty household has been a buzz with playdates, sleepovers, camps, Vacation Bible Schools, pool time, and family time. It's been a fun whirlwind of a summer and we are loving every minute of it.
About this time every year I get a little sappy. Why you ask? In July the love of my life has a birthday and we also celebrate our wedding anniversary.
I don't really know why we planned it this way (young and in love) but in July of 1997 Jeff turned 24, he graduated from Radiology School and we were married within a few weeks of each other. We were so ready to be married we didn't care about the crazy time of year that it was for us. I was 20 years old, working for an attorney (Jeff's fabulous cousin Jackie), and a full time student.
Thinking back to those times 16 years ago brings warm fuzzy feelings to my heart. We had a lot to learn about life, each other, and being adults, but it was the BEST time together. We loved spending our first Thanksgiving and Christmas as man and wife, decorating out house together, cooking for him when he got off of work and just hanging out watching TV together (that was life before kids ;).
I knew he was a great guy then, but as we have grown older together my feelings of love and infatuation for him turned more to love and endearment and feeling like he is a part of me I never want to be without. The best part of me is him.
I think that in the past 16 years of being together my definition of love has changed.When you are young you might think showing love is getting a nice gift for your significant other. Or maybe telling them you love them a gazillion times per day. You try to make everything perfect for them so they think everything is perfect.
- Putting my (and our children's) needs before his.
- Cleaning the house for me so I can have a break.
- Holding me in life's darkest hours and telling me we are going to make it.
- Telling me the truth even though he knows it's going to hurt me but doing it in love.
- Driving an old car instead of having the nice truck that he's always wanted so I could stay home full time and raise our young children.
- Seeing me with a few extra pounds after being pregnant and never once making me feel like I was anything less than a beauty queen.
- Feeling his hand on me in the middle of the night knowing that he is praying for me.
- Speaking well of me to others even though he has many reasons to say otherwise.
- Letting me scream, cry and be depressed when I was mad at God for letting my babies die and reminding me to trust God instead.
We have been through better and much worse, great sickness and health, and times of plenty and times of want.
I'm not nieve enough to think that we will not have more hardships. I'm smart enough to know that we can make it through those hardships together, putting God first always.
Jeff,
Thank you for showing me unconditional love and support, mercy, grace when I didn't deserve it, and for making me laugh for the past 20 years. You are my best friend and my biggest cheerleader. I'm so blessed to have you to share this life with. You know me better than I know myself. Thank you for 16 wonderful years as my husband. I look forward to 50+ more. Until death do us part.......
Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to let me talk about my husband. I promise next time to not be so sappy.
Have a great day my friends.
Marsha
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
He Has Such A Way With Words
I came across this gem a few days ago. I had forgotten about it. My husband wrote it a year after our baby boy Elijah was born. Such a sweet sweet man I have. I thought you might like to read it. Enjoy.
Well, i don't type stuff like this for everyone to see much anymore but today is a special day. This is going to be long, sorry, deal with it........ A year ago today i held for the first and only time this side of Heaven our baby boy Elijah Jake Hasty. It's weird even reading that myself right now.........I can't believe that Elijah was here and gone.........It was only one year earlier that we held his sister Mia and let her go too......how did this happen? Why? How could God ask this of us again? I wish I had all of those answers, but the truth is, it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't make the hurt less, or the pain less real. God chose for Elijah to be here with us a short time, way too short. I have felt every emotion you can imagine over the last year. That day a year ago seems far off sometimes and sometimes it feels like yesterday. I knew as i was holding Elijah's lifeless body that God was doing something deep in me, i knew that like the year before, i would never be the same. But, i also knew that i would blow it daily too and that i would let God down even though i promised Him the world that day and begged Him to take it all away. In that moment, I heard God say to me....."Do you trust me?" My response has always been of course i do. But, this time i said "i don't know?"
That day last year, i wasn't sure of much...................but as the day unfolded here is what happened. Family and friends began to come and call. There were many prayers and more tears. Marsha's sister came and didn't leave for one minute the entire time, she is a great Aunt to our kids. Thank you Angie for being who you are and for holding us and supporting us. I am thankful to know you. I love you very much. 2 Angels on earth made their way to the hospital: Randy and Lisa Burns- what you did for us over those 2 days will never, ever be able to be explained here on earth. You are 2 beautiful people and I pray that God surrounds you forever with His presence. I know there is no way to ever return the favor to you both so i will simply but humbly say Thank You. Throughout the day many people came and went. If i start to name some i will no doubt forget a few people and i don't want to disrespect anyone so for all of you that came before, during and after Elijah's birth i say Thank You to you too. My brother and I traded phone calls and about 1000 txt messages. I couldn't talk to him for very long because the tears would come and i hated to try and talk to him through the tears so we texted ALOT. There were all the wonderful, amazing, Godly people from what i just call Sheffield but some of you know as Sheffield Family Life Center......an AMAZING church that we were privileged and honored to call home for almost 9 years. If ever a church lived out what God called them to, it is you!!!! No way we could thank everyone from there either......Ps Willie....i love you soooo much. If you could see what my heart feels about you, then and only then you would understand how much you mean to us. My best buddy Jon called every little bit and always would start out praying for me. I will always be thankful to God that he brought Jon into my life........Jon, you are a good man. Thank you for your friendship and guidance. I hope that i am half the friend to you that you have been to me. There were continued calls, my mom and dad called several times....my mom was so precious and i am sure broke some speed limits to get here and my dad was heart broken to see us suffering so much. I have been blessed with fantastic parents. Mom, i love you so much and i am grateful God chose me to be your son. My co-workers were incredible and especially Miss Jill. Jill, you are a great friend. I could never thank you enough for all you have done for me. I am so thankful that i know You, Eric and Lilly. Whatever i can ever do for you guys, it's done! Others came and went and none of you went unnoticed or unappreciated i can assure you of that. Marsha's parents came and it was good to have them there for Marsha. I have great in-laws......i probably don't treat them as well as i should but they are great people who i respect and admire a lot. Tommy made his way there too and what can i say about Tommy? One of the best friends i have ever had. A good soul that the world could use more of just like him. Thank you Tommy for holding our hands through this......you have been better to me than i deserve and i say Thank You to you and that i love you buddy. Then comes my very best friend and the best sister i could have ever imagined to have. Genny....words could never explain what you mean to me. For 10 years you have been by our side on top of the mountains and in the deepest darkest valley. You held me up that day last year and days since then......it was an honor to share Elijah's birth with you......when asked to define friend, it is an easy one word answer to me.....Genny! You, Tony and your kids have been my family up here, i love you guys and bending as low as i can, i say Thank You and may God bless your days for the love and compassion you have shown our family………………… It's hard to even type this one but i press on.....Fel......hmmmm........still hard to type it. What can i say? There is something deep, way deep down inside my heart that could never be expressed in human language for what you mean to me. You held my son and dedicated him back to Jesus. You spoke such beautiful, powerful words through your pain for us. I wish more than anything i could remember all you said that day. Your words were precious to me. They were life giving to me. You carried God with you into our room. The atmosphere changed when you got there. It is a high honor to know you and to call you friend. I will live the rest of my days telling people what happened in that room and what you did for us. If God has ever let me see Him in the flesh, i have seen Him through you. Please know that i owe a life debt to you.......as long as i have breath, whatever you need from me is done! No questions asked! I love you Bro and i am so grateful that you, Dianna and your boys are in our life. We are all in fact doing life together. For that, i am eternally grateful.
Marsha ---- can i start by saying how beautiful your heart and spirit is. What could i have ever done to deserve someone like you? I am so sorry we have had to walk down this path.....you don't deserve to carry this pain. But, you have handled it with more grace and dignity than i thought was humanly possible on this earth. I wish i could take all of this away from you. I wish you could wake up tomorrow and this didn't happen. I know it’s not possible, but i ache to try and take this away from you. Since we are here and since we carry what we carry, there is NO-ONE i would want to carry this with but you. God is not going to waste our pain; He will not leave this unredeemed. On that day, when all is stripped away, the pain will melt away as we run into Elijah's arms and we see that everything is ok. God will be smiling i am sure at how you handled what He asked us to carry. Besides all the obvious things, the one huge reason that i get upset when i think about all of this is, Elijah was deprived of having the best Mommy here on earth........I wanted to be his daddy soooooo much, but when i see you with our kids, i know one day they will look back and say very simply and with all honor...."We had the best Mom." If they were giving that award out, it's yours! Don't ever let the enemy of our souls or someone on this earth EVER tell you that you are anything other than what God says about you..........I am forever yours, on the mountain and through the valley, i got your back babe. I love you. We will plant Hope and when all is said and done, God will say: Well done Jeff and Marsha, you have carried what I asked of you, welcome home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Emmitt, Carleigh and Delaney------daddy loves you and i want you to know that i will keep trying everyday to be all that you need from me. You have shown incredible resilience and resolve. Elijah is waiting on you........You are still his brother and sisters......you get to see him one day. God will never, ever give up on you, don't give up on Him!
So, where does that take us? Let me go back to that room 365 days ago. Tremendous pain and heartache, God asking me if i trusted Him and my answer was "i don't know?" All of a sudden in the middle of the room, my son lying in his crib waiting for me to release him back to God. I looked around the room, surrounded by people that love me more than i could imagine, surrounded by flowers, surrounded by gifts. I heard God whisper to me........"I sent these people to love and hold you until I can." At that moment, i knew it was all going to be ok. God didn't change......He loves us. He knew what it was like to lose a son and through the pain and with tears running down my face, i said "God, I trust you."
Thank you to all of you that have been a part of our journey. I will say to you what I said to my kids……..Don’t give up on God, He is not going to give up on you! It really is pretty simple, God=Good, devil=bad.
Many Blessings to you today, the day that Elijah Jake Hasty celebrates his first birthday in Heaven……….one day, I am going to celebrate his birthdays with him…..it’s a promise.
Jeff
Well, i don't type stuff like this for everyone to see much anymore but today is a special day. This is going to be long, sorry, deal with it........ A year ago today i held for the first and only time this side of Heaven our baby boy Elijah Jake Hasty. It's weird even reading that myself right now.........I can't believe that Elijah was here and gone.........It was only one year earlier that we held his sister Mia and let her go too......how did this happen? Why? How could God ask this of us again? I wish I had all of those answers, but the truth is, it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't make the hurt less, or the pain less real. God chose for Elijah to be here with us a short time, way too short. I have felt every emotion you can imagine over the last year. That day a year ago seems far off sometimes and sometimes it feels like yesterday. I knew as i was holding Elijah's lifeless body that God was doing something deep in me, i knew that like the year before, i would never be the same. But, i also knew that i would blow it daily too and that i would let God down even though i promised Him the world that day and begged Him to take it all away. In that moment, I heard God say to me....."Do you trust me?" My response has always been of course i do. But, this time i said "i don't know?"
That day last year, i wasn't sure of much...................but as the day unfolded here is what happened. Family and friends began to come and call. There were many prayers and more tears. Marsha's sister came and didn't leave for one minute the entire time, she is a great Aunt to our kids. Thank you Angie for being who you are and for holding us and supporting us. I am thankful to know you. I love you very much. 2 Angels on earth made their way to the hospital: Randy and Lisa Burns- what you did for us over those 2 days will never, ever be able to be explained here on earth. You are 2 beautiful people and I pray that God surrounds you forever with His presence. I know there is no way to ever return the favor to you both so i will simply but humbly say Thank You. Throughout the day many people came and went. If i start to name some i will no doubt forget a few people and i don't want to disrespect anyone so for all of you that came before, during and after Elijah's birth i say Thank You to you too. My brother and I traded phone calls and about 1000 txt messages. I couldn't talk to him for very long because the tears would come and i hated to try and talk to him through the tears so we texted ALOT. There were all the wonderful, amazing, Godly people from what i just call Sheffield but some of you know as Sheffield Family Life Center......an AMAZING church that we were privileged and honored to call home for almost 9 years. If ever a church lived out what God called them to, it is you!!!! No way we could thank everyone from there either......Ps Willie....i love you soooo much. If you could see what my heart feels about you, then and only then you would understand how much you mean to us. My best buddy Jon called every little bit and always would start out praying for me. I will always be thankful to God that he brought Jon into my life........Jon, you are a good man. Thank you for your friendship and guidance. I hope that i am half the friend to you that you have been to me. There were continued calls, my mom and dad called several times....my mom was so precious and i am sure broke some speed limits to get here and my dad was heart broken to see us suffering so much. I have been blessed with fantastic parents. Mom, i love you so much and i am grateful God chose me to be your son. My co-workers were incredible and especially Miss Jill. Jill, you are a great friend. I could never thank you enough for all you have done for me. I am so thankful that i know You, Eric and Lilly. Whatever i can ever do for you guys, it's done! Others came and went and none of you went unnoticed or unappreciated i can assure you of that. Marsha's parents came and it was good to have them there for Marsha. I have great in-laws......i probably don't treat them as well as i should but they are great people who i respect and admire a lot. Tommy made his way there too and what can i say about Tommy? One of the best friends i have ever had. A good soul that the world could use more of just like him. Thank you Tommy for holding our hands through this......you have been better to me than i deserve and i say Thank You to you and that i love you buddy. Then comes my very best friend and the best sister i could have ever imagined to have. Genny....words could never explain what you mean to me. For 10 years you have been by our side on top of the mountains and in the deepest darkest valley. You held me up that day last year and days since then......it was an honor to share Elijah's birth with you......when asked to define friend, it is an easy one word answer to me.....Genny! You, Tony and your kids have been my family up here, i love you guys and bending as low as i can, i say Thank You and may God bless your days for the love and compassion you have shown our family………………… It's hard to even type this one but i press on.....Fel......hmmmm........still hard to type it. What can i say? There is something deep, way deep down inside my heart that could never be expressed in human language for what you mean to me. You held my son and dedicated him back to Jesus. You spoke such beautiful, powerful words through your pain for us. I wish more than anything i could remember all you said that day. Your words were precious to me. They were life giving to me. You carried God with you into our room. The atmosphere changed when you got there. It is a high honor to know you and to call you friend. I will live the rest of my days telling people what happened in that room and what you did for us. If God has ever let me see Him in the flesh, i have seen Him through you. Please know that i owe a life debt to you.......as long as i have breath, whatever you need from me is done! No questions asked! I love you Bro and i am so grateful that you, Dianna and your boys are in our life. We are all in fact doing life together. For that, i am eternally grateful.
Marsha ---- can i start by saying how beautiful your heart and spirit is. What could i have ever done to deserve someone like you? I am so sorry we have had to walk down this path.....you don't deserve to carry this pain. But, you have handled it with more grace and dignity than i thought was humanly possible on this earth. I wish i could take all of this away from you. I wish you could wake up tomorrow and this didn't happen. I know it’s not possible, but i ache to try and take this away from you. Since we are here and since we carry what we carry, there is NO-ONE i would want to carry this with but you. God is not going to waste our pain; He will not leave this unredeemed. On that day, when all is stripped away, the pain will melt away as we run into Elijah's arms and we see that everything is ok. God will be smiling i am sure at how you handled what He asked us to carry. Besides all the obvious things, the one huge reason that i get upset when i think about all of this is, Elijah was deprived of having the best Mommy here on earth........I wanted to be his daddy soooooo much, but when i see you with our kids, i know one day they will look back and say very simply and with all honor...."We had the best Mom." If they were giving that award out, it's yours! Don't ever let the enemy of our souls or someone on this earth EVER tell you that you are anything other than what God says about you..........I am forever yours, on the mountain and through the valley, i got your back babe. I love you. We will plant Hope and when all is said and done, God will say: Well done Jeff and Marsha, you have carried what I asked of you, welcome home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Emmitt, Carleigh and Delaney------daddy loves you and i want you to know that i will keep trying everyday to be all that you need from me. You have shown incredible resilience and resolve. Elijah is waiting on you........You are still his brother and sisters......you get to see him one day. God will never, ever give up on you, don't give up on Him!
So, where does that take us? Let me go back to that room 365 days ago. Tremendous pain and heartache, God asking me if i trusted Him and my answer was "i don't know?" All of a sudden in the middle of the room, my son lying in his crib waiting for me to release him back to God. I looked around the room, surrounded by people that love me more than i could imagine, surrounded by flowers, surrounded by gifts. I heard God whisper to me........"I sent these people to love and hold you until I can." At that moment, i knew it was all going to be ok. God didn't change......He loves us. He knew what it was like to lose a son and through the pain and with tears running down my face, i said "God, I trust you."
Thank you to all of you that have been a part of our journey. I will say to you what I said to my kids……..Don’t give up on God, He is not going to give up on you! It really is pretty simple, God=Good, devil=bad.
Many Blessings to you today, the day that Elijah Jake Hasty celebrates his first birthday in Heaven……….one day, I am going to celebrate his birthdays with him…..it’s a promise.
Jeff
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS?
"Carleigh, let me have your Ipad. I haven't been on Instagram in a while and I want to check up on you".
In a matter of about 30 seconds she was handing me her Ipad and scurrying back to her room. I secretly hoped that I wouldn't find one bad thing on this social media thing she likes to get on.
You see, my children know that at any time Jeff or I will come and take their electronics and check up on them. They also know that if they change their browser history they are in worse trouble.
As I scrolled trough things she posted I was relieved...she did good. No poses of her making pouty lips. Some kids call it duck face. She tried that once and I told her it looks like she wants to kiss a boy. She deleted that photo immediately. All of her friends were posting pics like that. However, it took one little comment from me and she couldn't delete it fast enough. Do I think that it will be like this forever...ummm NO. I was her age once too. She didn't want boys to think she wanted to kiss them. She was just doing what she saw all of her friends doing.
Back to my story....what I saw on her profile was fine. What I saw on the profile's of some of the 6th graders that I came to know in Emmitt's class was disturbing to say the least.
I saw many photos of 12 year old girls in SMALL bikinis posing sexy. I saw OOTD (outfit of the day) which consisted of belly shirts and shorts that were barely there. Not even a face in the pic...just her little 12 year old tween body. I saw girls calling each other horrible names, and others sad over the mean words.
I saw boys in his class flipping the camera off numerous times, talking about being "sexy" (makes me cringe), saying F-you to others and calling each other names that I would never repeat.
I wanted to scream and have since then "WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS?"
If I were to look at the group dynamics of the class, I would probably say these are the popular kids. (If you believe in cliques).
I finally had to just stop looking at these pictures because I was sick to my stomach. These poor kids.
Since I was once their age I know the pressures they have. Pressures to fit in, be popular, pretty, wanted by other tweens. Looking back on my life though I can honestly say those feelings didn't hit me until about age 14 NOT 12 year old 6th graders.
My humble opinion is that social media makes it really easy to be someone your not. Say things that aren't true and feel valued by the number of "likes" you've gotten.
My son had his first girlfriend this year. By girlfriend I mean they texted each other and NEVER actually said two words to each other in real life. He realized by about week two that having a girlfriend wasn't as much fun as he thought. She always wanted to talk about her feelings. He broke her heart. Me being the crazy women I am just wanted to sit down with her and have a nice long chat about not growing up too soon. But I refrained for his sake.
Electronics now have made it super easy for us to say and do things that we never would have the nerve to do in real life. Which makes me worry for our sweet children.
For me acting like that, talking like that and behaving like that isn't even about being a "Christian". It's just about trying to be a good person in general. I believe that we are all born with a still small voice inside of us letting us know right from wrong. (Some call it the Holy Spirit).
I have made SO MANY (I cannot make those words large enough) mistakes in my life. I used to wear tons of makeup (and humongo hair) to be pretty. I wanted boys to like me and think I was pretty. I too wore short skirts. I wanted other girls to think I was the nicest, smartest, most talented person they knew. Did I mention that my hair was huge? I digress.
Then one day something for me just clicked. I no longer cared. My confidence came from within. I knew who I was and if they didn't like me so what. I wasn't going to change to fit in. I stopped listening to who they thought I was and started believing in what God said I was. I didn't want to be labeled popular but as someone who was nice regardless of any differences we had.
If you ask me there is nothing better or more desirable than a sweet man (such as my sweet hubby) who isn't afraid to tell others how he feels, leads by a Godly example, and is a wonderful father and provider. I feel that women are much more attractive when they aren't showing their business. When they are great wives, encouragers, homemakers, and have enough self worth to know that they don't need men fawning over them. They have just what they need in their spouses and what they cannot get from them God can provide.
My prayer for my children (and your children) is that they figure out who they are sooner than I did. That they realize their self worth is not dependent on the number of boys (or girls) that say they like them. That spewing 100 cuss words in a row doesn't make them any cooler than they were. It just makes them look immature.
So I'm giving you a heads up. If you are friends with my kiddos on Instagram or Facebook one day and you see something on there that might be a red flag, LET ME KNOW. PLEASE. You know that saying it takes a village to raise a child? The older they get the more I understand that I cannot do this parenting thing on my own. I need my husband, family and friends to come along side me and pour into my children what we have learned in life, the good, the bad and the ugly.
I'm not gullible enough to believe that there won't be hiccups in raising them. However, I believe that God will give me wisdom to parent them. My bedtime prayer is this:
"Dear Heavenly Father, I'm asking you tonight to help me be a better parent to my children. Help my children learn at an early age that they are who YOU say they are and not what others say. Give me wisdom when I feel that they may be going down a wrong path to help them get back on track. Help me to not just look out for my children but encourage other children as well to do what is right. Amen"
Thank you for your time. I'm sure not all of you are going to agree with what I have just said. Let's just disagree agreeably ok? Ha.
Marsha
In a matter of about 30 seconds she was handing me her Ipad and scurrying back to her room. I secretly hoped that I wouldn't find one bad thing on this social media thing she likes to get on.
You see, my children know that at any time Jeff or I will come and take their electronics and check up on them. They also know that if they change their browser history they are in worse trouble.
As I scrolled trough things she posted I was relieved...she did good. No poses of her making pouty lips. Some kids call it duck face. She tried that once and I told her it looks like she wants to kiss a boy. She deleted that photo immediately. All of her friends were posting pics like that. However, it took one little comment from me and she couldn't delete it fast enough. Do I think that it will be like this forever...ummm NO. I was her age once too. She didn't want boys to think she wanted to kiss them. She was just doing what she saw all of her friends doing.
Back to my story....what I saw on her profile was fine. What I saw on the profile's of some of the 6th graders that I came to know in Emmitt's class was disturbing to say the least.
I saw many photos of 12 year old girls in SMALL bikinis posing sexy. I saw OOTD (outfit of the day) which consisted of belly shirts and shorts that were barely there. Not even a face in the pic...just her little 12 year old tween body. I saw girls calling each other horrible names, and others sad over the mean words.
I saw boys in his class flipping the camera off numerous times, talking about being "sexy" (makes me cringe), saying F-you to others and calling each other names that I would never repeat.
I wanted to scream and have since then "WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS?"
If I were to look at the group dynamics of the class, I would probably say these are the popular kids. (If you believe in cliques).
I finally had to just stop looking at these pictures because I was sick to my stomach. These poor kids.
Since I was once their age I know the pressures they have. Pressures to fit in, be popular, pretty, wanted by other tweens. Looking back on my life though I can honestly say those feelings didn't hit me until about age 14 NOT 12 year old 6th graders.
My humble opinion is that social media makes it really easy to be someone your not. Say things that aren't true and feel valued by the number of "likes" you've gotten.
My son had his first girlfriend this year. By girlfriend I mean they texted each other and NEVER actually said two words to each other in real life. He realized by about week two that having a girlfriend wasn't as much fun as he thought. She always wanted to talk about her feelings. He broke her heart. Me being the crazy women I am just wanted to sit down with her and have a nice long chat about not growing up too soon. But I refrained for his sake.
Electronics now have made it super easy for us to say and do things that we never would have the nerve to do in real life. Which makes me worry for our sweet children.
For me acting like that, talking like that and behaving like that isn't even about being a "Christian". It's just about trying to be a good person in general. I believe that we are all born with a still small voice inside of us letting us know right from wrong. (Some call it the Holy Spirit).
I have made SO MANY (I cannot make those words large enough) mistakes in my life. I used to wear tons of makeup (and humongo hair) to be pretty. I wanted boys to like me and think I was pretty. I too wore short skirts. I wanted other girls to think I was the nicest, smartest, most talented person they knew. Did I mention that my hair was huge? I digress.
Then one day something for me just clicked. I no longer cared. My confidence came from within. I knew who I was and if they didn't like me so what. I wasn't going to change to fit in. I stopped listening to who they thought I was and started believing in what God said I was. I didn't want to be labeled popular but as someone who was nice regardless of any differences we had.
If you ask me there is nothing better or more desirable than a sweet man (such as my sweet hubby) who isn't afraid to tell others how he feels, leads by a Godly example, and is a wonderful father and provider. I feel that women are much more attractive when they aren't showing their business. When they are great wives, encouragers, homemakers, and have enough self worth to know that they don't need men fawning over them. They have just what they need in their spouses and what they cannot get from them God can provide.
My prayer for my children (and your children) is that they figure out who they are sooner than I did. That they realize their self worth is not dependent on the number of boys (or girls) that say they like them. That spewing 100 cuss words in a row doesn't make them any cooler than they were. It just makes them look immature.
So I'm giving you a heads up. If you are friends with my kiddos on Instagram or Facebook one day and you see something on there that might be a red flag, LET ME KNOW. PLEASE. You know that saying it takes a village to raise a child? The older they get the more I understand that I cannot do this parenting thing on my own. I need my husband, family and friends to come along side me and pour into my children what we have learned in life, the good, the bad and the ugly.
I'm not gullible enough to believe that there won't be hiccups in raising them. However, I believe that God will give me wisdom to parent them. My bedtime prayer is this:
"Dear Heavenly Father, I'm asking you tonight to help me be a better parent to my children. Help my children learn at an early age that they are who YOU say they are and not what others say. Give me wisdom when I feel that they may be going down a wrong path to help them get back on track. Help me to not just look out for my children but encourage other children as well to do what is right. Amen"
Thank you for your time. I'm sure not all of you are going to agree with what I have just said. Let's just disagree agreeably ok? Ha.
Marsha
Monday, June 17, 2013
My laundry basket runneth over.
As I went over the calendar for the week I felt a small panic attack coming on. How on earth am I going to get everything done? I took a moment to pause and bring my heart rate back down and then proceeded to start preparing for the week.
As I went to each room in the house gathering piles of laundry and getting them to the laundry area I thought "God, my laundry basket runneth over!"
We women (not just mothers) constantly have to find balance in housework, our spouses, our work outside the home, ministry for some of us, and let's not forget raising up little human beings to be responsible, smart, assets to society. Oh, and then maybe just maybe we can squeeze in a little time for us. (Working out is my guilty pleasure).
I typically tend to be the woman who overschedules and signs up for things even when I don't really have time for them. Have you ever heard the saying "If you want to get something done ask a busy person?" That's me. Although I recognize it and am learning to say no it's still a huge work in process for me. So because I'm busy instead of looking forward to the day to day tasks of life I sometimes just can't wait for the tasks to be over.
God cautioned me last night and I wanted to share it with you:
Be thankful for the laundry you have because it means your family has an abundance of clothes.
Be thankful for dirty dishes in the sink and dishwasher because that means your family had plenty of food to eat.
Be thankful for ministry no matter how busy you get because you are making changes in the Kingdom of God no matter how small the task.
Be thankful for a full calendar because it means your children, husband and you have friends and family that care about them and want to spend time with them.
Be thankful for housework because it means you have a roof over your head.
Be thankful even when you have to pay high gas prices because it means you have transportation.
Do you get my point? I could go on and on but I won't. I'll let you decide how that works in your life.
My goal for today is to quit wishing things to be over and just be thankful.
My laundry basket, to do list, schedule, and most importantly cup runneth over today.
Have a fabulous week fabulous friends!
Marsha
"And whatever you do, whether by speech or action, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17
As I went to each room in the house gathering piles of laundry and getting them to the laundry area I thought "God, my laundry basket runneth over!"
We women (not just mothers) constantly have to find balance in housework, our spouses, our work outside the home, ministry for some of us, and let's not forget raising up little human beings to be responsible, smart, assets to society. Oh, and then maybe just maybe we can squeeze in a little time for us. (Working out is my guilty pleasure).
I typically tend to be the woman who overschedules and signs up for things even when I don't really have time for them. Have you ever heard the saying "If you want to get something done ask a busy person?" That's me. Although I recognize it and am learning to say no it's still a huge work in process for me. So because I'm busy instead of looking forward to the day to day tasks of life I sometimes just can't wait for the tasks to be over.
God cautioned me last night and I wanted to share it with you:
Be thankful for the laundry you have because it means your family has an abundance of clothes.
Be thankful for dirty dishes in the sink and dishwasher because that means your family had plenty of food to eat.
Be thankful for ministry no matter how busy you get because you are making changes in the Kingdom of God no matter how small the task.
Be thankful for a full calendar because it means your children, husband and you have friends and family that care about them and want to spend time with them.
Be thankful for housework because it means you have a roof over your head.
Be thankful even when you have to pay high gas prices because it means you have transportation.
Do you get my point? I could go on and on but I won't. I'll let you decide how that works in your life.
My goal for today is to quit wishing things to be over and just be thankful.
My laundry basket, to do list, schedule, and most importantly cup runneth over today.
Have a fabulous week fabulous friends!
Marsha
"And whatever you do, whether by speech or action, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17
Thursday, June 13, 2013
For the amazing Fathers in my life....Thanks!
With Father's Day just around the corner I've been contemplating what I could do to show my appreciation for the fathers in my life.
Thankfully I have had many men of influence around me and now my children. So today I thought that I would share a little about each one of the men in our life that mean SO much to us.
Let's start with my Grandpa Thurman. (My dad's father). He was a man of faith, he helped my Grandma raise 5 children, and did a pretty great job with my dad. (I'm sorry, but I couldn't find a picture of him).
You may remember me talking about Grandpa King passing away a few years ago. He was Jeff's grandpa on his moms side. He was a true war hero and P.O.W. . He was a sweet man who took care of Jeff's grandma like a queen. I love this picture taken of Jeff and his grandpa at the last birthday party we had for him before he passed away. He died at the young age of 90!
Then there is my PawPaw. I know, I know, as much as I have talked and blogged about him lately I'm sure you feel like you know him already. But you see, he was not just a great father/grandfather but an AMAZING (yes, I used the word that gets over used a lot but there is not better word to describe him) man. I could tell you stories that my mom and her siblings had of him growing up, and then there are my own stories with him. I miss him everyday and this is his first Father's Day in Heaven.
I cannot forgot to mention Jeff's brother Chuck who has poured into Jeff's life and our children's lives as well. He is a wonderful father to my niece and nephew and has such a loving spirit when it comes to them. Such a great example for Jeff to follow.
Then we have my sisters husband "Uncle Tommy". Though he and Angie have never had biological children they do a pretty darn good job of taking care of my babies. Tom has been known on occasion to spend MORE than Jeff and I do on them at Christmas. He's a big kid at heart and loves to lavish them with fun things. Recently Emmitt had a fishing field trip and wanted his Uncle to go with him on it. I love this picture of the two of them.
Someone else that we have been blessed to have in our lives is PawPaw Neal. (Jeff's moms husband). He is THE BEST grandpa to my babies. He's always has a joke to tell, snacks to give them, and they always have so much fun with him. He is a wonderful man. This picture fits his personality to a tee. Funny guy.
Then there is Jeff's dad, Mike. He lives in Indiana so we don't get to see him much. He is a cowboy. Always wearing a straw cowboy hat and his dirty brown boots. If you talk to Jeff very long about him you will notice that he holds a special place in Jeff's heart. My children love their Grandpa Hasty.
I cannot forget to talk about my Father, El Roy Thurman Jr. (He often goes by J.R. or Junior). I can honestly say he is such a sweet man. Growing up he always put our needs before his and there are times that I remember him working so much I don't know how he had time to sleep? He's always there for us to lend a helping hand and has been known to clean my house for me while we were gone on vacation "just because". How lucky am I?
I want to end this by talking about the father of MY children. My baby daddy. My love. My king. We had no idea when we started this journey called life together so many years ago that we would be the father of Emmitt, Carleigh, Delaney and our angel babies, Jordan, Mia and Elijah. 6 kids? Are you kidding me? Being a father has been so natural for him from the start. There were the midnight feedings that he helped with, a countless supply of dirty diapers, many tears wiped away, books read, balls thrown, numerous I Love Yous said, messes cleaned, jobs to pay for their needs, homework he has helped with, and many, many, many more things I could go on about that he has done. Thankfully my children get an example of a hard working, Godly, wife honoring, and honest father. Everything he does is for us, his family. He sacrifices, pours out to us, prays for us and lifts us up when we are week and need help. He has been by best friend for many years and I know that my children will say that about him one day also when they are older. I'm still pinching myself in thinking that my children get HIM for a father. Blessed isn't an adequate word for it.
So to all the fathers in my life I want to say a great big THANKS! Our lives are better because of you.
Thankfully I have had many men of influence around me and now my children. So today I thought that I would share a little about each one of the men in our life that mean SO much to us.
Let's start with my Grandpa Thurman. (My dad's father). He was a man of faith, he helped my Grandma raise 5 children, and did a pretty great job with my dad. (I'm sorry, but I couldn't find a picture of him).
You may remember me talking about Grandpa King passing away a few years ago. He was Jeff's grandpa on his moms side. He was a true war hero and P.O.W. . He was a sweet man who took care of Jeff's grandma like a queen. I love this picture taken of Jeff and his grandpa at the last birthday party we had for him before he passed away. He died at the young age of 90!
Then there is my PawPaw. I know, I know, as much as I have talked and blogged about him lately I'm sure you feel like you know him already. But you see, he was not just a great father/grandfather but an AMAZING (yes, I used the word that gets over used a lot but there is not better word to describe him) man. I could tell you stories that my mom and her siblings had of him growing up, and then there are my own stories with him. I miss him everyday and this is his first Father's Day in Heaven.
I cannot forgot to mention Jeff's brother Chuck who has poured into Jeff's life and our children's lives as well. He is a wonderful father to my niece and nephew and has such a loving spirit when it comes to them. Such a great example for Jeff to follow.
Then we have my sisters husband "Uncle Tommy". Though he and Angie have never had biological children they do a pretty darn good job of taking care of my babies. Tom has been known on occasion to spend MORE than Jeff and I do on them at Christmas. He's a big kid at heart and loves to lavish them with fun things. Recently Emmitt had a fishing field trip and wanted his Uncle to go with him on it. I love this picture of the two of them.
Someone else that we have been blessed to have in our lives is PawPaw Neal. (Jeff's moms husband). He is THE BEST grandpa to my babies. He's always has a joke to tell, snacks to give them, and they always have so much fun with him. He is a wonderful man. This picture fits his personality to a tee. Funny guy.
Then there is Jeff's dad, Mike. He lives in Indiana so we don't get to see him much. He is a cowboy. Always wearing a straw cowboy hat and his dirty brown boots. If you talk to Jeff very long about him you will notice that he holds a special place in Jeff's heart. My children love their Grandpa Hasty.
I cannot forget to talk about my Father, El Roy Thurman Jr. (He often goes by J.R. or Junior). I can honestly say he is such a sweet man. Growing up he always put our needs before his and there are times that I remember him working so much I don't know how he had time to sleep? He's always there for us to lend a helping hand and has been known to clean my house for me while we were gone on vacation "just because". How lucky am I?
I want to end this by talking about the father of MY children. My baby daddy. My love. My king. We had no idea when we started this journey called life together so many years ago that we would be the father of Emmitt, Carleigh, Delaney and our angel babies, Jordan, Mia and Elijah. 6 kids? Are you kidding me? Being a father has been so natural for him from the start. There were the midnight feedings that he helped with, a countless supply of dirty diapers, many tears wiped away, books read, balls thrown, numerous I Love Yous said, messes cleaned, jobs to pay for their needs, homework he has helped with, and many, many, many more things I could go on about that he has done. Thankfully my children get an example of a hard working, Godly, wife honoring, and honest father. Everything he does is for us, his family. He sacrifices, pours out to us, prays for us and lifts us up when we are week and need help. He has been by best friend for many years and I know that my children will say that about him one day also when they are older. I'm still pinching myself in thinking that my children get HIM for a father. Blessed isn't an adequate word for it.
So to all the fathers in my life I want to say a great big THANKS! Our lives are better because of you.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
The Power of Telling Your Story
Hello all!
Some of you have been asking for me to repost me speaking about my story. Thankfully my story isn't finished yet. Below is the link to it.
http://vimeo.com/54637835
I also wanted to include a video that I did for an Author named Pamela Sonnenmoser. This was a promo for her amazing book that she released about infertility called Beside The Empty Cradle. So blessed to be a part of this project. Definitely helped the healing process to help others.
http://youtu.be/XmlX1kkJjmA
I hope you enjoy them. Thank you for being a part of my journey.
Marsha
Thursday, June 6, 2013
In pursuit of FUN!
I'm not going to lie, the last month has been really hard. With my PawPaw's passing, the crazy end of the school year schedule, and Jeff finishing up his college. I have been stressed, sad, and busy and felt guilty for feeling all of those things.
So to counteract the fact that things have been hard I have found myself trying to make everything "FUN". With play dates, movie nights, sleepovers, Worlds Of Fun trips, and much more.
This is what I have sounded like: Did you have fun? Won't that be such fun? What would you like to do for fun? Wasn't that fun? I want to have fun. Notice the pattern?
My mother in law posted something on Facebook yesterday that I thought was beautiful. This is what she said:
We take so much for granted. I am sitting on my back deck looking out at our beautiful yard. My rosé garden is more beautiful than ever. The grass is so green. The trees are extended with their branches high in the air with the leaves waving at each other. Birds are talking to each other in a language only they can understand. In the distance I hear a mower. The beauty of God's Grace is bestowed on our earth.
In thinking about what she wrote I realized that I have been taking things for granted in my pursuit of fun.
You see I've been so busy pursuing fun I haven't really been having any. Dare I say I've taken the little things for granted this past month?
I decided last night that I'm going to try even harder to not take things for granted.
Like the fact that my mother and father have always been there for us. That they have been married for 42 years now through life's ups and downs.
Or the fact that my husband is a great father and such a provider for our family that I was able to stay at home and watch my children grow for 11 years. That he loves me for better or worse (trust me), for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. We have had all of that in the last 16 years we have been married.
Or that my mother in law raised him well and she is where he gets his tender heart from.
Of the fact that my children are beautiful, healthy, intelligent, spirited beings.
May I never forget to be thankful for having a roof over my head, or clothes and food for my family.
I need to remember that my sister after many years of struggling with not having children, health issues and weight is finally in a happy place. And that she has a husband who adores her.
May I never take for granted my amazing church and church family. They have been there for us through our darkest moment in life.
Or that my niece still likes to hang out with me at 23 years old.
Or that we own our own vehicles and home.
That I live in a country where I can be free to worship my God.
I could go on for days about what I am thankful for but often take for granted.
Today I'm starting a new pattern. I'm going to look for things around me to be thankful for and not miss the little things I take for granted. Would you join me?
So to counteract the fact that things have been hard I have found myself trying to make everything "FUN". With play dates, movie nights, sleepovers, Worlds Of Fun trips, and much more.
This is what I have sounded like: Did you have fun? Won't that be such fun? What would you like to do for fun? Wasn't that fun? I want to have fun. Notice the pattern?
My mother in law posted something on Facebook yesterday that I thought was beautiful. This is what she said:
We take so much for granted. I am sitting on my back deck looking out at our beautiful yard. My rosé garden is more beautiful than ever. The grass is so green. The trees are extended with their branches high in the air with the leaves waving at each other. Birds are talking to each other in a language only they can understand. In the distance I hear a mower. The beauty of God's Grace is bestowed on our earth.
In thinking about what she wrote I realized that I have been taking things for granted in my pursuit of fun.
You see I've been so busy pursuing fun I haven't really been having any. Dare I say I've taken the little things for granted this past month?
I decided last night that I'm going to try even harder to not take things for granted.
Like the fact that my mother and father have always been there for us. That they have been married for 42 years now through life's ups and downs.
Or the fact that my husband is a great father and such a provider for our family that I was able to stay at home and watch my children grow for 11 years. That he loves me for better or worse (trust me), for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. We have had all of that in the last 16 years we have been married.
Or that my mother in law raised him well and she is where he gets his tender heart from.
Of the fact that my children are beautiful, healthy, intelligent, spirited beings.
May I never forget to be thankful for having a roof over my head, or clothes and food for my family.
I need to remember that my sister after many years of struggling with not having children, health issues and weight is finally in a happy place. And that she has a husband who adores her.
May I never take for granted my amazing church and church family. They have been there for us through our darkest moment in life.
Or that my niece still likes to hang out with me at 23 years old.
Or that we own our own vehicles and home.
That I live in a country where I can be free to worship my God.
I could go on for days about what I am thankful for but often take for granted.
Today I'm starting a new pattern. I'm going to look for things around me to be thankful for and not miss the little things I take for granted. Would you join me?
On a good day, enjoy yourself;
On a bad day, examine your consequence.
God arranges for you both kind of days,
So that you won't take anything for granted.
Ecclesiastes 7:14 (The Messege Bible)
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Precious Memories
Memories
They
are what we have left of him now.
I
will never forget the way he called me “Shug”
The
way he looked on Christmas after we opened our gifts…he would go to his bedroom
and come out with a roll or two of quarters that he hand rolled for each of his
grandchildren.
Pulling
up to his house and hearing him tell us how Jeff and I had a “keen” car.
Sitting
on the porch with him watching the storm roll in.
Riding
in his truck with Jenee singing “Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All the
Way, Oh what fun it is to ride in PawPaw’s Chevrolet.
I
have so many memories of him when I was little. Too many to mention today. We
spent many summers, and holidays at Nana and PawPaw’s.
One
of my most favorite memories happened three summers ago. If you knew PawPaw in his later years
you know that he couldn’t hear very well.
Often he would cup his hand over his ear when he was trying to hear what
you were saying to him.
This
particular day I had brought my children to spend time with him and NaNa. They loved their house as much as we
did. What’s not to love about an
infinite supply of treats, Little Debbie cakes, tractor rides, hugs, kisses and
stories. PawPaw decided that he
would get his tractor out and give my kids a ride in the wagon attached to the
back. Just like he used to do with
me when I was little. They had so
much fun. It was the first and
last time they were ever able to do that with him. After they got off he put his tractor away and we walked
around the yard as he showed me his sheds. My youngest, Delaney, who was 4 years old at the time walked
up to him, tugged on his pant leg and said “PawPaw can my do that again?” He looked at her and clearly didn’t
hear what she said so she repeated a little louder “PawPaw can my do that
again?’ he looked at me, shrugged his shoulder and said “I can’t hear her hun?”
So she stepped up to him, cupped her ear and yelled “PawPaw, CAN MY DO THAT
AGAIN?” To which he said “Huh?” I
don’t think he ever understood what she was asking. I laughed as he walked away.
Another
memory that I have so vividly was after he had his stroke. Angie and I stayed the night with him
at the hospital. He was very
disoriented. It was hard to keep
him still and in bed. Around 4
a.m. in the morning he decided he was going to get up and go mow the lawn. So Angie and I trying to keep him from
getting agitated just went with it.
We told him to lay still and we would take care of the yards. He was pointing to imaginary keys on
the wall that we pretended to grab.
He had us get the flashlight out and spotlight the room. Picture him
having me at one point shine the flashlight above Angie’s head and had her
reach frantically for the keys. I
looked at her and said “He’s completely sane now he’s just playing tricks on
us.”
That
last memory I wanted to share today is of my most memorable conversation I had
with him. I have never ever talked with PawPaw about Jesus, God, faith, or anything
like that. I had heard him say he
prays to the Good Lord but that was the extent of our spiritual talks. The day he had his stroke we rushed
down and I felt I needed to have that conversation with him should he pass away
that day. It was uncomfortable for
me and I waited for the right moment when things were calm and there wasn’t a
lot of people in the room. I
leaned in and asked him how he felt, in his spirit, meaning if he were to die
today did he feel like he would meet Jesus? To which he replied “Yes, I know Jesus, I talk to him every
day. If I have an ache or a pain I
point to it and pray and he heals me.
And then for what seemed like an hour but was probably closer to a few
minutes he began to quote scripture verse after verse, not missing words. Keep in mind that he had just had a
stroke and didn’t even know who I or he was at the moment. But that word was deeply rooted in his
spirit. I am so thankful that I got
a chance to pray with him that day.
When the nurse walked in he started to tell him “I was worried about how
I was going to pay for all of this but we just prayed and I know God is going
to work it all out because his word will not return void.” I just happened to glance up at NaNa
who was the only other person in the room and she sat in her chair shocked with
her mouth wide open. I think she
thought that after all of those years together he had tuned her out.
So
this memory is bittersweet for me.
I will miss him so much but I cling to the hope that I will see him
again one day. I have been telling
him goodbye a little every day in my heart for the last year and nine
months. I knew this day would
come. And I know that saying goodbye
to him is not the end. Thankfully
I will see him again.
My
family got a chance after his stroke to love on him, tell him we loved him a
million times, and take care of him like he had done for us through the
years. I call them bonus days with
him.
I
will hold on to these memories so tightly. Keeping him alive in my mind.
May
I never forgot his laugh, the way he looked as he sat at the kitchen table
eating his bologna sandwich with mayonnaise and onion, how he always had a
dollar to give my children as we left to go home, they way he looked driving
his prized red Chevy truck, or the way he looked from behind with his gray hair
and wrinkly neck and blue jeans.
I
have three babies in heaven right now. Although I know we will miss him on
earth, Friday morning my angels just got to meet their Great PawPaw Leo. And I
know that he will take care of them for me until we are all reunited.
Thank
you for letting me share my memories of a man I love dearly. And remember….Goodbye
is not the end!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Happy Birthday Sweet Mia!
5 years with Jesus. In Heaven. With my loved ones that have passed.
That's how long my sweet Mia has been there. Those of you that have followed my story know that I gave birth to a sweet little girl on May 16th that was too precious for this earth. We held her, kissed her, loved on her, told her how beautiful she was and how much we would miss watching her grow.
At this point I don't ask for answers. I have accepted the fact that it wasn't meant for Jeff and I to watch her grow. I choose not to spend my life wondering what if, why and how come?
So today, I tell her story with a smile on my face and love in my heart.
My baby girl is with Jesus. My Grandma and Grandpa Thurman. My great grandparents. Jeff's sweet Grandpa and Grandma Hasty. Grandpa West. Grandpa King. Uncle Randy. My other babies-Jordan and Elijah. And many others.
She will soon meet PawPaw Leo. Is it weird that it gives me comfort in knowing that he will be with her and take care of her and his other grandchildren until we get there? If so, oh well.
I tell you today that I wouldn't have made it without my husband, family, Jazzercise family, church family, and HOPE that I would see her again.
Thank you all for helping me keep her memory alive. Thank you for letting me tell her story when miscarriage and infant loss is a taboo subject to talk about. Thank you for listening, encouraging, comforting, praying, laughing, supporting and just being there.
My life changed the day we met her five years ago and told her goodbye. But thanks to you all that's not the end of the story.
Mia Hope Hasty is a known name. Her little body was tiny but she was beautiful and had "weight" in this world.
I am the lucky one. I was chosen to be her momma and tell her story. I will as long as I live.
Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Girl! I miss you. I love you so much!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
How big is your circle?
I am a Christian. Not a weird, holy roller, snake dancing, religious freak. Just a Christian.
My definition of being a Christian is to be Christ-like.
I'm full of sin, imperfections, pride and faults too numerous to count. Most days I am far from being Christ-like but at least I strive to be.
I feel like because I claim to be I automatically get grouped in the gay bashing, full of hate, better than everyone else group.
That's just not me.
Watching the Bible series on the History Channel a few weeks ago reminded me that Jesus hung out with the outcasts, the hated ones, the poor, the unpopular crowd.
My goal my entire life (even in high school) was to NOT be grouped with a certain type of friends. Popular, unpopular, cheerleading clique, etc.
As I get older I realize that I still fight so hard to NOT be grouped with a certain type of people.
I want to love as Jesus loved, forgive has He still forgives, humble and not full of pride, and be HOPE giver. I want to speak life into your deepest darkest hours.
I believe that we all have a Circle of Influence. You don't have to believe in God to have one.
You see eyes are always watching you. People watch what you say on Facebook and social media, how you react to life's situations, how you treat people. You may not realize it but it's true. Having children brought that to home for me. Little eyes are always watching me. YIKES!
So with that in mind I really try to go above and beyond to make up for the crazy Christians I try so hard to not be grouped with. I tip big, leave hotel rooms spotless when we leave, smile and call a cashier by name, thank people, hold doors for people and smile, you know, little things that could make someones day. Most importantly I do the right thing when NO ONE is watching.
So I'm asking you today-How big is your Circle of Influence? No pressure but eyes are on you today.
I encourage you to go out there and change the world. One good deed at a time. Not because you are trying to be a good Christian, or appear to be perfect, but because you are a good person. Period. I believe it makes the heart of God smile. He's already so proud of you!
My definition of being a Christian is to be Christ-like.
I'm full of sin, imperfections, pride and faults too numerous to count. Most days I am far from being Christ-like but at least I strive to be.
I feel like because I claim to be I automatically get grouped in the gay bashing, full of hate, better than everyone else group.
That's just not me.
Watching the Bible series on the History Channel a few weeks ago reminded me that Jesus hung out with the outcasts, the hated ones, the poor, the unpopular crowd.
My goal my entire life (even in high school) was to NOT be grouped with a certain type of friends. Popular, unpopular, cheerleading clique, etc.
As I get older I realize that I still fight so hard to NOT be grouped with a certain type of people.
I want to love as Jesus loved, forgive has He still forgives, humble and not full of pride, and be HOPE giver. I want to speak life into your deepest darkest hours.
I believe that we all have a Circle of Influence. You don't have to believe in God to have one.
You see eyes are always watching you. People watch what you say on Facebook and social media, how you react to life's situations, how you treat people. You may not realize it but it's true. Having children brought that to home for me. Little eyes are always watching me. YIKES!
So with that in mind I really try to go above and beyond to make up for the crazy Christians I try so hard to not be grouped with. I tip big, leave hotel rooms spotless when we leave, smile and call a cashier by name, thank people, hold doors for people and smile, you know, little things that could make someones day. Most importantly I do the right thing when NO ONE is watching.
So I'm asking you today-How big is your Circle of Influence? No pressure but eyes are on you today.
I encourage you to go out there and change the world. One good deed at a time. Not because you are trying to be a good Christian, or appear to be perfect, but because you are a good person. Period. I believe it makes the heart of God smile. He's already so proud of you!
Saturday, April 6, 2013
He's Still Working on me....THANKFULLY
There is an old song that I heard the Wallen family children sing probably no less than 100 times when I was young. One of the verses goes like this:
"There really ought to be a sign upon my heart
Don't judge me yet there's an unfinished part
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the masters loving hands"
I thought of the song today as I was weeding my memorial garden. There were new weeds that had grown in over the winter covering the beautiful white rock that we picked out to go just perfect in the garden. As I was pulling them I thought to myself "I'm not getting the root, I'm only taking the top off making it look pretty". I stopped for a second to think about that. I was only making it look pretty temporarily.....but the root would make it grow back.
God so softly spoke into my heart "What other areas of your life do you make look pretty? But you know the root is still there don't you?" OUCH. Talk about stepping on my toes a little.
It's SO true.
You see I'm a stasher. My house most days is ready for company. I like to clean. I like organization. I like things to look pretty. I like perfect.
But....I also stash things. My sub basement most days is a complete disaster because no one usually sees that part of my home. I work on the parts of my home that people see, but what they can't see is a MESS.
For instance, if you walked into my cute French Country kitchen you would probably think it's clean. However I dare you to open up my Tupperware door. You would find this:
"There really ought to be a sign upon my heart
Don't judge me yet there's an unfinished part
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the masters loving hands"
I thought of the song today as I was weeding my memorial garden. There were new weeds that had grown in over the winter covering the beautiful white rock that we picked out to go just perfect in the garden. As I was pulling them I thought to myself "I'm not getting the root, I'm only taking the top off making it look pretty". I stopped for a second to think about that. I was only making it look pretty temporarily.....but the root would make it grow back.
God so softly spoke into my heart "What other areas of your life do you make look pretty? But you know the root is still there don't you?" OUCH. Talk about stepping on my toes a little.
It's SO true.
You see I'm a stasher. My house most days is ready for company. I like to clean. I like organization. I like things to look pretty. I like perfect.
But....I also stash things. My sub basement most days is a complete disaster because no one usually sees that part of my home. I work on the parts of my home that people see, but what they can't see is a MESS.
For instance, if you walked into my cute French Country kitchen you would probably think it's clean. However I dare you to open up my Tupperware door. You would find this:
Boy I'm literally airing my dirty laundry aren't I?
On the surface everything is neat and clean and pretty. But please don't touch the spice door or you may just end up wearing the cinnamon as it falls on you.
So, my God moment today taught me to quit stashing and making things look pretty. It doesn't do me any good to pull life's weeds if the root still remains. I need to work on the ROOT of issues. I need to let God work on the root and make me into what He wants me to be.
Sometimes I think I have learned so much in my 36 years and then WAMMO something knocks me down and helps me realize I have so much more to learn.
I don't have it all together. My life sometimes isn't very pretty. We live in a photoshop-autocorrect world. If we don't like the way we look in a certain picture we can simply correct it with a filter and then it's perfect.
So what I'm telling you is this-maybe together you and I can just be real? Not pretty-real! Let's let God mold us into His image instead of a perfect image that we've created. Without Him we can do nothing anyway. (I've learned that the hard way).
Hope you have a wonderful weekend. Tomorrow is my little Elijah's birthday. Bittersweet.
Blessings,
Marsha
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